i might finally have 10 consecutive minutes to sit and try to relax. its temping right now to resort to some sort of substance abuse to do so. i just gave in to the puppy.. she has been having fits outside, wanting back in. she needs to learn that dogs have lived outside for thousands of years and not be constantly on my feet. she is still stealing things. left shoes in particular. i think i may invest in a shock collar. maybe that electronic fencing like my neighbors have. something. she is sooooo not like tasha. tasha was a good dog. never barked. not even at people she should have, like creepy church people and bible salesmen. oh great. the sheila pup is invading my son's bed and waking him up. she is pissed at for ignoring her. i could use a massage right now. i'd give head for a decent massage. if done right, hell i might do it every day for a week. it'd be cool if i had someone to just hang out with here at the house. unfortunately i don't really have that level of trust and rapport with any of my buddies, or at least with any of the ones that claim they want to. and the ones that i would want to gave up and probably wouldn't even if i asked because i was such a bitch about it when they asked me. but like right now.. the kid is asleep... wouldn't even know someone was here. there'd just be the sister-bitch to deal with when she got home but i think she'd get over it as long as it was just one "steady" and i didn't try to move him in. now the problem is, do i try and get to that point w/ someone i see now? or just start fresh with someone new? i guess if it happens it happens, its not like i NEED a "boyfriend" or am looking to marry again. and i do rather like LEAVING the house (once sis is home so the kid has "supervision"). i am so physically and mentally drained right now though. it sucks. i'll have to explain more later. people are bugging me and wanting my attention and i need to tell them to bugger off.
i really really hate getting instant messages from strange men living in third world countries. except suhail. he is cool. none of that "i love you can i come to the US and marry you?" BS that alot of them do, usually in their opening line of chat before they have even introduced themselves. and then they start trying to ask all the questions that are answered on the profile... if i didn't click the ignore option already. and wtf is it with them BUZZING me if i don't respond. i have iggied friends who buzzed me. i loathe the buzz option on yahoo. it has its place. but it is abused. i also hate messages from people w/ unfilled out profiles. not saying it has to have ALL the nitty-gritty info, but basic stats are nice.... age, marital status, location... stuff that if you were to have bumped into someone in public somewhere you can assess... "gee he looks to be about 30, and no wedding ring, but there is a tan line there.. hmm.. is he a rat bastard sneaking around, or perhaps recently divorced?" of course no pic on a profile is a red flag, and is the "no answer" option under marital status. not that married men are my 1st choice, but one that is honest about his status from the get go will have a better chance of at least a friendship with me. alright. i'm over it for now. enough bitching.
i am ready for the weekebd to be over. i always end up w/ the elizabitch's kids, not that i don't love them dearly, on the weekends it seems. of course the sis that i live with half the times is the one that volunteers to watch them, but then i get "stuck" w/ them most of the time. i would really like a weekend just me and my kid instead of sis's neurotic overcompansation for what she in her childless wisdom considers slack parenting on my and our youngest sister's part. or maybe it is some sort of middle child syndrome? there are times i know our lil' sis is pissed.. goes off about how she "undermines her parental authority" and i feel the same way. but then she does watch our kids when we have to work usually. it just irks me to nio end that when we are all home i feel like i am watching 4 kids instead of 3. but that's ok. they are all camping out in her room. even if i am the one they will be looking to to cook breakfast.
i am so tired. had one of those full days where there isn't a moment's peace. i have my sis's kids on top of my mini me... and let's not forget the new puppy. we had a fun day though, even if i do feel like i was rode hard and put up wet right now.
i took off for a bit after my sis got home (she hates being left to babysit at 2am) and i saw my daniel friend. i'll write about that later. when i got home the puppy was still under my desl, but had collected an assortment of "goodies." 2 pairs of my son's shoes. one of my sis's work shoes. one pair of my sandles. and a squeaky ducky fuzzy toy of my neice's. i had to laugh. she had them all spead equidistantly in a semi circle around her and was playing w/ each in turn. i confiscated the item, and gave her a rawhide chew toy. heh... i was pretty much just used as a chew toy. and i am beat. gotta like daniel.
one of my subbie buddies is about begging for playtime. he was very worried about why i might of gotten the dog, but that is something i could never ever handle doing to someone.. or the dog... ick. i may be evil but i do have limits. so now we are discussing that lovely new butt plug which he is also scared of, but he'll live. if not i'll just have to dress him in a monkey suit, get a friend to help me paddle him while he dances around, then broadcast it online... we can call it "spanking the monkey" (evil maniac laughter here).
CRAZY ONE. You need crazy partners. You dont mind if he/she takes alc or drugs or smokes he is not allowed to be boring. Open-Minded for everything our partner should spent much time with you. Your partner shall be spontaneous and love danger. It is not that important if she/he is rich or if he/she cuts his nails she/he must follow you .You take the domination over the relationship, you decide most of the times where to go. If the sex is not good (any more)you quit the relationship For you it is better to leave than to see your love restrained.
damn my sis is going to be pissed at me. a guy down the road is giving away puppies, and a couple of them look JUST LIKE TASHA!! i couldn't help it... i had to bring one home. my son is so geeked up... he has named her sheila. he had a near crying fit when we were in the store gathering puppy items... snatched the tie out chain and threw it.. informed me "sheila is an inside dog, and no dog of his is getting struck by lightening again!" sis is going to be furious, she thinks we need one of those ankle biting yappers. but too late. we got sheila.
Bush administration considering warning labels on condom packages
By LARA JAKES JORDAN
ASSOCIATED PRESS
WASHINGTON, March 11 — The Bush administration is considering requiring warning labels on condom packages noting that the contraceptive devices do not protect users from all sexually transmitted diseases, a Food and Drug Administration official said Thursday.
Most recent studies indicate condoms do not safeguard against human papillomavirus, or HPV, a little-known but widespread sexually transmitted disease that, untreated, can cause genital warts or cervical cancer.
The FDA ''has developed a regulatory plan to provider condom users with a consistent labeling message and the protection they should expect from condom use,'' said Dr. Daniel G. Schultz, director of the agency's Office of Device Evaluation.
The agency ''is preparing new guidance on condom labeling to address these issues,'' Schultz told members of a House Government Reform subcommittee.
The FDA has considered warning labels since 2000, when President Clinton directed the agency to re-examine whether information included in packages accurately reflected condom effectiveness in preventing all sexually transmitted diseases, including HPV.
But some lawmakers feared that such labels could turn people away from using condoms, thereby increasing the risk of contracting diseases such as AIDS, chlamydia and gonorrhea.
''Anything that undermines the effectiveness of condoms for these uses will have serious public health consequences,'' said Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif. ''Are condoms perfect? Of course not. But reality requires us not to make a public health strategy against protection, but rather to ask a key question: compared to what?''
Some lawmakers ''insist that abstinence-only education is the solution to teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases because abstinence works each time,'' Waxman said. ''Well, the evidence, however, indicates that abstinence-only education works rarely, if at all.''
Responded Rep. Jo Ann Davis, R-Va.: ''This is not about social ideology, or religious ideology. It's about informing women. ... And truly, the only way to be protected is abstinence. That's not ideology — it's fact.''
The White House wants to double, to $270 million, federal spending on education programs to convince young people that abstinence is the only certain way to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. But an independent report for the government two years ago indicated that no reliable evidence exists that abstinence programs work.
More than 2 million American women are infected with HPV each year, said Dr. Ed Thompson, deputy director for public health services at the Centers for Disease Control. Ten thousand women are diagnosed annually with cervical cancer, claiming 4,000 lives, Thompson said.
WEDNESDAY, Jan. 26 (HealthDay News) -- Rates of early death and disability that can be attributed to sexual behavior are three times higher in the United States than other so-called developed nations, a new study finds.
This finding precludes the AIDS epidemic in many African countries.
American men still die more often as a result of having a sexually transmitted disease, researchers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said, but more cases are reported in American women. The findings were published in the Jan. 27 issue of the British journal Sexually Transmitted Infections.
"It certainly is disturbing," said Dr. Cynthia Krause, assistant clinical professor of obstetrics/gynecology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. "The challenge is how to represent this in a way that's not alarmist, to make women aware of the real risks."
An earlier survey had found that half of all deaths in the United States in 1990 were attributable to nine risk factors that included sexual behavior. That category alone accounted for 30,000 deaths. The researchers behind the new study didn't think this provided a complete picture of the health toll, given that sexually transmitted diseases are associated with other problems such as infertility, psychological trauma and stigma.
They set out to quantify the public health burden of sexually transmitted diseases in 1998 by looking at national data on sexual health and reproduction, surveillance systems for infectious diseases, hospital and outpatient statistics, birth and death records as well as published research.
They then calculated "adverse health consequences," such as infertility, cervical cancer, and HIV infections. They also factored in premature deaths and "disability adjusted life years" (DALYs), a figure indicating years of life cut short by premature death and loss of healthy living years as a result of disability.
In 1998, sexual behavior accounted for about 20 million "adverse health consequences" (equivalent to more than 7,500 per 100,000 people) and 29,782 deaths (or 1.3 percent of all deaths in the United States), the study found.
Sixty-two percent of the "adverse health consequences" and 57 percent of "disability adjusted life years" were among women. Curable infections and their consequences accounted for more than half of these health problems. Viral infections -- mostly HIV/AIDS -- and their consequences accounted for almost all deaths among men and women.
In terms of percentages, more men (66 percent) than women died due to sexually transmitted diseases. But if HIV/AIDS were not considered, then 89 percent of deaths attributed to sexual behavior would have been among women.
HIV/AIDS was the leading cause of death among men, while cervical cancer and HIV/AIDS were the leading causes of death among women.
These estimates are probably conservative, the authors stated.
The study did not address why the United States was hit so hard by sexually transmitted diseases, although the study's lead author, Dr. Shahul Ebrahim, said that behavior was only part of the equation.
"Everybody is having sex in the world, but some places have a low HIV prevalence," said Ebrahim, who is a medical epidemiologist with the CDC's National Center for Birth Defects. "Behavior is just one indicator. Another issue is transmission risk factors."
Researchers are planning to use the data to increase the public's awareness of the problem.
"The two most important issues are HIV and cervical cancer [which can occur from having numerous sexual partners]," Ebrahim said. "For cervical cancer, we have a national program to screen all women of a certain age group and risk, but not everybody is accessing that. We've reached the 80 percent mark but we still have 20 percent remaining."
A similar problem exists for HIV. "Not everybody is getting tested for HIV. Once you get tested, you can access treatment and probably prolong life," Ebrahim said.
None of this is going to happen overnight, he added. The consequences of "sexual behavior are totally preventable," he said. "If you have protected or safe sex, you are not going to have these."
More information
The CDC has more on sexually transmitted diseases.
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content by:
SOURCES: Shahul Ebrahim, M.D., medical epidemiologist, National Center for Birth Defects, U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Atlanta; Cynthia Krause, M.D., assistant clinical professor of obstetrics/gynecology, Mount Sinai School of Medicine, New York City; Jan. 27, 2005, Sexually Transmitted Infections
I come from a home where gravy is a beverage. -- Erma Bombeck
The Girl Next Door is from a small town, a large family, or both. She still has a healthy dose of what people 'round these parts call "family values." She calls her grandparents every Sunday and she's got her mom on speed dial. The Girl Next Door likes an uncomplicated life filled with the simple pleasures of family, home, kids, and food. She may not actually live on a farm, but she tends to keep a menagerie. Asked to choose between a dog and a cat, she generally won't. What's a good guard dog without a mouser to keep it company? She is caring and warm, welcoming and friendly. Anybody in your office ever bring in chocolate chip cookies? You got yourself a Girl Next Door.
The defining characteristics of the Girl Next Door are simplicity and tradition. Simplicity means that, unlike the Academic Girl, she's really not that interested in the great questions that keep philosophers up at night. When she can sit in the kitchen, drinking coffee, eating shortbread cookies with a friend, and listening to the cat purr on top of the radiator, what else is there to life? What else, indeed.
She Might Be a Girl Next Door if:
She drives: a good, solid American car -- a Ford Taurus, Chevy Cavalier, or Dodge Stratus.
She can talk for more than ten minutes about: her family's holiday traditions.
She begins her sentences with: "my mother says..."
She'd never: go to a rave.
She owns any of the following: scrapbooks, heirloom quilts, a Bible, family recipes, her grandmother's engagement ring.
Wanna know more about the Girl Next Door? We’ll tell you which CDs to play, shoes to wear, magazines to put on the coffee table, flowers to bring ... and of course, what to cook.
and the progressive girl:
Moderation in all things, excess in nothing. -- Epicurus
Imagine that the Girl Next Door moved to the big city. Think of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. She's America's sweetheart with an urban sensibility. She's a post-Christian spiritualist, a pre-Monica Clintonite, and a dues-paying member of at least one social-change organization like NOW, Planned Parenthood, or the Sierra Club. You won't find her at an Earth First or PETA meeting, though. Those are the Granola Girl's stomping grounds. Progressive Girls want the world to be a better place, but they live out their politics in a moderate, left-of-center way.
If you are going to date a Progressive Girl, the one sin you can commit is to be a chameleon. Molding your opinions to fit hers will lose her respect. One very positive thing you can do is offer her new experiences -- the Progressive Girl is fearless about trying new things. Whether it's pluralism, skydiving, Asian peanut sauce, or this book, the Progressive Girl is always looking for new ideas.
She Might Be a Progressive Girl if:
She drives: a small SUV but really wishes it got better mileage; once she can get a good hybrid, she will.
She can talk for more than ten minutes about: just about anything.
She begins her sentences with: "Susan Sarandon says..."
She'd never: pass up the chance for a new experience.
She owns any of the following: a water filter, a tabletop fountain, an acre of rain forest, a mutt from the pound.
Wanna know more about the Progressive Girl? We’ll tell you which CDs to play, shoes to wear, magazines to put on the coffee table, flowers to bring ... and of course, what to cook.
took another of those quizzes... "You are the dominatrix. Woman of wiles and unending pain. If people want anything from you, they have to earn it. You are known for dealing punishment. If anyone irritates you or does something that is against your ideals, they had better be ready to face the consequences. Perhaps you don't wear the leather, but doesn't it feel good to be in control? Even though you may come across a bitchy, yours is a necessary evil."
i second guessed those answers (not a domme-ish action, but i wanted to) and came up with this... "You are the priestess, forever tied to the Earth as a daughter. You are in tune with nature's ebb and flow, show compassion for others, and are often most content spending your time in the mountains or doing something outside. You are a proud, respectable person, one who people will listen to, and tend to put their trust in. When you make friends, you do so carefully, because your friends are made for life."
after turning in early again last night (i was feeling bad, and even my best of friends were annoying to me.. not that they meant to be.. i just get that way) i got up and got my little guy to school, and then returned to hibernation. i do not really WANt to be doing this. staying in bed makes my head ache and backhurt and well really it just sucks... and how often have i yelled at the guys at work to get off their butts and quit laying around feeling sorry for themselves and take a walk damnit?!? tommy was looking for me yesterday, probably just so i could see him being naughty on cam, but i was at work. perhaps though he and i could hook up today. but as he, or daniel( the damn geeks) seldom pick up the phone and calls me, that means staying up and leaving the pc logged in. scott and "spacebird" are messaging me... spacebird, well he is an associate corruptor of the innocent...and scott, he has been very persistant and very patient and i oughta at least give him some playtime for those factors... i kinda want the comfort of an evil "known" though right now.
i am still sleeping too much. i haven't been prowling and stalking and lurking as usual. i think i went to bed at 1am and got up at 10am, just and hour before going into work. damn early day.. had to go do the grocery shopping for the group home, and i hadn't even planned their menu for the week yet. matter of fact i neglected to do inventory yesterday. heh they'll live, they are worse than kids. damn picky and weird... one thinks he can live on tuna salad. three will eat until they explode. i am proud of one guy though. when i first started he had a limited diet, would only eat meat and sweets, but now will eat whatever is prepared. me and my boss have restricted them from kool aid for the week though. gotta remind them about abusing priviliges. they are a great group of guys anyway, even if they were on my damn nerves today. but i think in my mood anything'd be on my damn nerves. they can usually tell though and will behave. usually. i have to remind myself not to get too pissed because they are psychotic at times and they can't help it. but psychotic and stupid are two very different things. but anyway.. i need to pull myself out of this funk. when i am stressed i tend to hold in my problems and become pretty withdrawn. and snap at the innocent. as long as i am whining and complaining everyone knows i am ok... and as a friend said once when i was on a no luv 4 jen" rant no one takes me seriously anyway because i get more than anyone he knows.. certainly more than most married people... but it has been like 2 frickin' weeks since i got some nasty from kevin. do i need to go on the prowl for a new source of nasty? some nasty would really improve my mood. i defintely need to do something. i think i'd make a lumpy rug.
i like men, not all men mind you... even a slut has to have standards, of course certain women are cool too... but men... mmmmmmm.
i tend to hurt myself a bit... alot of "damn what was i thinking?" and "how in the hell did THAT happen?"
i don't always know when to quit. at least when playing w/ a guy there is a certain period of time before he can do it again.
i end up biting myself. hard. usually my right hand.
i like cock. i like cum. me and my buddy jason would play, i'd masturbate while he watched and jacked off. then he'd cum on my face or mouth. for some people i know this sounds creepy, but it was fun. tommy and i do this too sorta, only he uses the toys on me.
i like getting someone else off. it gets me off. i have cum from giving head.
i like being told what to do and how to do it and where.
i like being made to scream. and moan. and curse. and beg.
i run out of hands.
toys won't always stay where they are supposed to.
i like to be held down.
i like being kissed. and licked. and bit. and spanked. and my hair pulled. and sometimes just violated.
did i mention i like men? i like the skin to skin contact. i like the way they taste and smell.
i like whispers in my ear. i like to be called a dirty slut and other names. i like to be told how much what i am doing is liked/loved/wanted. or not. how i need to do it better.
i like being made to say things. like that i am, for example, "kevin's bitch" or that tommy is my "daddy" or that i am a fucktoy, a slut, a whore...
i like men
i push myself too far. pain sluts should not be permitted to masturbate.
you ever cum so tight on a vibrator you were scared to move it?
i did something so out of character for me last night. after i read my baby his bedtime stories, i went online for just a sec, played a game of literati... then decided to lay down a few. went in my room, cuddled up to arnold the immovable (my old fat tabby who has claimed my bed) and at some point scott called, maybe at 9:30 and we spoke a few minutes, my sis came home, woke me rambling about would it be ok to loan my truck to our youngest sis and something about driving stickshifts and do i want some curry chicken... i grumbled something and stayed my ass in bed. i woke up early this morning, in the neighborhood of 3am. the lights on in my room still even. DAMN. sleep? that time of night? wtf? i got up a few, posted an entry or two, played a round of literati (its better than sleeping pills) and WENT BACK BED. i might have even done that still if kev was online messaging me and horny and wanting to make me scream. but damn i sem to have found a great deal of the sleep i have been losing at least. one drawback... nightmares. the realistic kind. i will spare the icky details of them, because they are disturbing... but in one of them, i was choking my ex.. had him up against the wall in a store... choked him until he passed out, not that i would be physically capable of it. at least i didn't kill him in this one. i was even nice enought to resist the urge to kick him when he was down. i don't need any dream interpetations on my dreams. i listened to my voice mail before bed.. he was on there... mad as hell and being an ass... pretty much short-circuiting any desire i might have to work w/ him on anything. its like he WANTS to start a fight. i won't do it though. its not going to happen. gawd i am scared about when he finds out about that child support collection i filed. i might need to go ahead and get a restraining order in place.
it has been about 11 days since i have gotten to play with my favorite whorehopping fuckbuddy kevin. the past few months i start having withdrawals from this particular addiction after a day or two, and i am stressing. i forget that sometimes guys see my sex drive as wrong and unnatural. and it was only a few days ago really that i saw daniel. which was awesome. i like daniel. alot. scott called me a few minutes ago... he is one i kinda have been keeping on the back burner, i haven't played with him yet. his interest in me hasn't waned though. i kinda feel like i need to get kev outta my system and replace him... but damn then we will get together and i am hooked again. it was a mutually destructive thing at one point, might still be.
"You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship..." i love the movie "fight club."
so do i have game? i am never in a short supply of guys that wanna play with me... ones that want to actually have a conversation is another thing. one of the guys at the mexican restaurant was asking me a bunch of personal questions today... i'd almost say he was hitting on me? but who knows. men are weird no matter the ethnicity.
i doubt i have game though. and i am getting a zit on my chin. fuck being 32. old enought to worry about things like wrinkles and but i got a damn zit on my chin.
tater is sleeping on top of the toaster. she was there this morning when i left the house, and is still there. the next person who makes toast will be subjected to burnt cat fur smell. fun.
EVERY ONE IS WRONG! SPONGEBOB IS NOT GAY, HE IS IN FACT PROMOTING POLYANDRY... GO SANDY WHOO HOO!
me to my 6 year old son who is in kindergarden: so is spongebob gay? my son: yep me: oh really? how do you know? son: my teacher said so me: um... ok... but do you LIKE spongebob? son: yep me: so what else did your teacher say about spongebob? son: that i shouldn't watch it, but i'm gonna watch it anyway and do what i wanna do if i feel like it. me: is that so? so what makes spongebob gay? son: i dunno me: what is gay? son: i dunno me: so is patrick gay too? son: my teacher says so, that he is a very bad boy. me: so is patrick spongebob's boyfriend? son: sandy is spongebob's girlfriend. but she's patrick's girlfriend too. me: are you sure about that? son: yep me: so patrick and spongebob aren't in love? son: no they love sandy. i'm going to go ride my bigwheel mom. me: ok get dressed warm... but you are sure about spongebob? son: yep.
case closed. spongebob and patrick are doing sandy. hehe.. she's my type of squirrel... mmm... collecting nuts...
No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character
"Solve the problem yourself or accept a fate you may not like...from this perspective, the ethic of personal responsibility gains appeal."
Noel M. Tichy
i accomplished another goal today. i feel like shit about it, i really wish it could have worked out w/o my having to do this... but i filed child support recovery on my ex. he is going to be pissed, and i'd be lying if i didn't admit i am more that a little worried, and perhaps even scared. there is more than a few gaps where he didn't pay, shorted me parts of payments, paid late, basically making me have to ask him about what should just be given every week w/o question. he has not paid me due to him having to pay speeding tickets, making insurance payments, getting a tattoo (of course he didn't 'fess up to that being the reason.. but no payment and then the next time i see him he has a tattoo...) and oh yes, purchasing 2 motorcycles and a 300M. but i have given him every opportunity to make things right... and this weekend i couldn't take it any more. especially after he hung up in my face when i returned his call returning my calls from yesterday. i have told him that shit is the WRONG thing to do... and that wasn't even about child support... it was about him keeping our son home from school today. you see. about half of effingham county was without power this morning (and not where the school is at). and apparently they don't have running water when there is no electricity. i was well almost beyond words. just so you understand... he was keeping the kid (who is healthy) home from school where there IS HEAT and RUNNING WATER, to stay home w/ his granparents where THERE IS NOT. and by there way, his school has a very unfair attendance policy.. even for kindergardners. so of course i said i'd be right over there to pick him up and get him to school. and so my ex cussed me and told me "i better leave him right where he is at" and hung up. i calmly called my ex's parents, informed them i was coming to get my son and bring him to school. and yes, he will be riding the bus home to my house today. which pretty much nullifies my ex paying his child support. he and his family are a vindictive lot.
i am wondering at my ex's insistance that our son stay home from school.. that and he was pushing to keep him through wednesday, getting a very nasty attitude about it. its not like he really sees him, he comes home after our son is asleep. that and i recently found out that he sleeps with him. i think at 6 yrs old you shouldn't sleep in mommy or daddy's bed anymore (not that i suspect any abuse there)... granted i know for some people it is an acceptable practice, but as far as it goes for me... time to let the kid grow up. get him his own bed. he has his own room at my house, and sleeps in it. not saying that he isn't welcome to come to my bed if he has a nightmare or there is something scary like a thunderstorm, or we just fall asleep while i am reading him stories, ya know?
i have accepted now that my ex will NOT grow up and get his priorities straight, and that it is time to quit waiting on him to.
it has been my ex's weekend w/ my boy. and he owes me this week's child support, plus that back due shit i will probably not see w/o taking him back to court, plus he still hasn't done any of the work to the car of truck he said he'd do in lieu of that back due shit. so i have called a few times, but i figure 3 voice mails in a 16 hr period of time is enough. technically his weekend his over at 5pm on sunday, but i let him keep him overnight usually, just have him send him to school the next day.. sometimes even let him keep him a day or two over... but IT WOULD BE FUCKING NICE IF THE DAMN RAT BASTARD WOULD RETURN MY PHONE CALLS SO WE COULD CONFIRM PLANS. this has become such an annoying damn habit for him, and then somehow he blames me? will say I never got with HIM. i feel like my head will fucking just pop one day. SNAP and thats it. and i have had a fuck buddy ask if i have ex sex. like fucking hell. we can't even damn communicate on child custody issues and he wanted to know if me and the ex still have naked time?!? geesh. EXES are EXES for a damn REASON in my book. and unfortunately, especially when there is a kid involved AN EX IS FOREVER. sometimes i wish someone would just shoot me, or better yet....
When Aries and Aquarius come together in a love match, the combination of Aquarius vision and Aries action makes them a highly creative pair. Their relationship is anything but static; they can be competitive, but life with these two is never dull! Zodiac Signs that are two apart tend to have a special connection, and these are no exception. They are great friends as they communicate really well. They have a special understanding of one another's idealistic, enthusiastic outlook on life. They both crave excitement and new experiences -- the wilder and stranger, the better. They're both into thrills and showing off.
Many Aries-Aquarius relationships are based on mutual admiration. Aries loves how unique Aquarius is, their inventive vision of the world; Aquarius loves Aries for their energy and initiative -- Aquarius gets new ideas all the time but sometimes finds it hard to carry them out. Since both Signs prize independence, Aries's tendency toward possessiveness can push Aquarius to become aloof or detached as a self-preservation tactic. Though they have that special connection, they do see the world in very different lights, which they both need to understand. Aries can be too involved for Aquarius's taste, and Aquarius in turn may be too unpredictable for Aries. As it turns out, Aquarius is the one Sign that has Aries beat when it comes to spontaneity! As long as both partners reassure each other that the relationship is important and secure, things will be just fine.
Aries is ruled by the Planet Mars (Passion) and Aquarius is ruled by the Planets Saturn (Karma) and Uranus (Rebellion). Aquarius gets its great, progressive vision from Uranus, and its social conscience and philanthropy from Saturn. Mars, then, can make a great addition to the mix -- it brings passionate, direct action to all these lofty thoughts and ideals.
Aries is a Fire Sign and Aquarius is an Air Sign. Air fuels Fire and helps it spread; similarly, Aquarius can help Aries think up new schemes and then realize them. Aquarius stimulates Aries intellectually, something that most of the other Signs fail to do. Both Signs have wide-ranging interests, so mentally active Aquarius is sure to provide physically active Aries with plenty of fodder for new adventures and crusades.
Aries is a Cardinal Sign and Aquarius is a Fixed Sign. Aries gives Aquarius the confidence to charge ahead rather than just sitting in the laboratory concocting new ideas. Aquarius can help Aries stabilize and complete projects rather than jumping into new plans without completing the old ones. They have a lot of respect and admiration for one another, which helps smooth any obstacles in their relationship.
What's the best aspect of the Aries-Aquarius relationship? Their ability to achieve so much when they work together. Cardinal Fire and Fixed Air cover all the bases. Theirs is a relationship of vision as well as practice.
i was looking though my old collarme.com journal posts, reflecting on how i got hooked up with kev in the first place... he used to hit on me (and probably every other chic in the savannah area) pretty much since i acquried yahoo back in october or november. at the time his profile said he was in a long term relationship, no pic.. the whole "cheater" type thing, so i brushed him off despite him being fairly nice and honest about his circumstances. plus i was rather committed to daniel at that point, fustrated and confused, but he was into monogamy, and i prefer it myself... i still saw tommy. but me and him don't have sex. eventually i did end up meeting others. some i still talk to, but for whatever reason we didn't click physcially. problaby because i am damn impossible to keep up with. kev eventually broke up w/ the gf.. i don't know the details, didn't consider it my business, and one night he caught me on a low when i was not happy w/ daniel and gave me a few sucker lines... and i met him and fucked him. he knew about my collarme journal, i had shown him the site and suggeste he try looking on there for someone when i was trying to make me leave me alone.1st collarme post regarding kev was 3/22/04. he had gotten a bit pissed when i failed to mention him after we met. so i said "well i guess i could put a note in passing" which appeared to tick him more to quote him "it that all i am, a note in passing?" and at the time, the answer was yes. but now i am addicted. why him? why not any of the other equally sexy and fun and some of them very sweet whorehoppers i met? why did i fuck him the 1st night that i met him? not that i hadn't had a few one night stands (most of whom looked for a repeat and were turned down). i am as whipped by him as i was (and still sorta am) by daniel. i mean i have cum from this guy KISSING me. and to feel him on top of me, pinning me down, taking me how he wants me... damn. i take shit off him i would never let other guys get away with. gawd i need help.
a gf sent me this awhile back, said hers suits her to a "T." mine does too. i'm an aries. how does yours suit you?
Astrological Comments After-sex
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!" Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza." Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?" Cancer: "When are we getting married?" Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?" Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets." Libra: "I liked it if you liked it." Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you." Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you." Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?" Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!" Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"
i am bored and that is so not a good thing. i really want to go to daniel's but he might be in alabama i'm not sure. he's about a hermit these days anyway. and our sex has drifted into the vanilla for the most part i think. he might have given up on me as far as a submissive because i am far more evil than he is. afterall, he thinks me capable of sticking salad tongs up a guy's ass. i should have never told him about when i well never mind. it is bad. it was funny as hell. but bad. maybe i need to quit playing domme on the side? i think it worries my fuck buddies. not that i would ever do some of the things i do to subbies to them.. afterall i want to have sex w/ someone who can top ME, not some pussy assed wuss that is my bitch. oooooh tommy just logged in, me and him don't have sex.. but he is definately capable of some quality playtime when he has time... yummy. and he likes to take pictures.
men are weird. they really are. i don't know if y'all might have caught on to this, but i have a few (heh) guys that i am friends with, a couple of which have some interesting benefits.. and it seems i am never at a lack of ones who would like to oust the ones that i see and that of course think they would be soooo much better than my current buddies etc... they way i see it though is NONE of these guys are looking for a "relationship" (with me at least) so why should i upset what i have got going on that is basically working as far as taking care of my physiological needs. on occasion i of course will meet others.. maybe go for a test drive so to speak.. for a myriad of reasons.. boredom, aggervation, maybe even persistance on their part... whatever. some might get a second run. so far no one has been able to offer me anything better than what i got so as i said.. i have reached a point of "why bother?" sorting through the liars and the HNGs and wanna-bes and just useless damn people.
so there was this one guy, one of the persistant as hell ones... nice enough, same interests... but lots of "red flags." i was figuring he might be married, or otherwise attached. it always seems they are the ones who push early on for me to quit playing w/ others, and he started in on that before we even met. due to convienence and free time i decided to kinda play him out a bit... he quicky realized i didn't really give a shit but for some reason couldn't just accept it. he had a temper tantrum or two.. one of my favorites was when he had asked what i was doing one day and i said "researching whorehopper repellant" and he said "just treat them all like you do me and they will all go away" there was another where he got mad at the frequency of which i talked about playing with others (ex kevin, who he thinks is "psycho" and "a step away from a rape charge") but damn i didn't say a word when HE'D tell ME about getting some... so anyway, as it turns out, the guy tells me last month he is "seperated" (as if i was surprised) and she is wanting to give it another shot. my response was basically "heh.. exes are exes for a reason. do whatever the hell you wanna do" afterall, i'm not fucking the guy, and i have other interests. he did make for good conversation, but i have other interests for that too. well today he tells me he is maybe going to give it another shot w/ his would be ex. long drawn out explanations. i'm not really caring.. so i am giving the "that's nice" answers. at some point he says "you don't seem happy with me right now." the poor confused man. damn i had spelled it out more than once. what do i need to do, start making labels that say FOR AMUSEMENT PURPOSES ONLY" to damn paste to their forheads? or maybe a sticker that says "if you can't give me better than what i have got, don't waste my time?" i don't know. men are weird.
i was taking more quizzes. apparently i am a sadist. and a dirty fuck. neither of which is surprising. afterall a dom-driend of mine believed me capable of violating a guy's ass with salad tongs. :twisted:
my friend aaron was over yesterday afternnon. as i believe i might have mentioned.. the house is rather trashed. i was about mortified to have company, but i also figured it isn't the house that he comes to visit, so what the hell. despite the kid's toys strung from my room to the living room to the kitchen, to the kid's room, despite the fact the it is obvious that i have not swept, mopped, or vacuumed since last year, despite 2 weeks worth of laundry stashed in the corner... what does he pick on me about? that sad little christmas tree i haven't taken down yet. nonetheless i enjoyed his visit, even if he is the "sit around and snuggle type" and has asked me why i only seem go for those guys that are "only after one thing".
i made it a goal for today to get that tree taken down, and actually accomplished it. all the decorations and lights are even put away properly. and the tree is out in the yard. i just need to collect about 50 more and some other stuff... and then in the immortal words of beavis, "FIRE! FIRE! heeeheehheh FIRE!" (are You menacing ME! I am CORNHOLIO! i need TP fpr my bunghole! CORNHOLILIOILO....) yes i am sick. but we have already established that haven't we?
you ever have a friend that knows you all too well and you suspect they may know way too much? here is a piece of chat from about 4am yesterday with one of mine:
dh: lol onebadjen: went out and about w/ brandy dh: who's brandy? onebadjen: my friend onebadjen: :D dh: and what you doing up so late dh: oooo onebadjen: me and her are in a chat room collecting whorehoppers dh: whorehopper? onebadjen: yep dh: what is a whorehopper? onebadjen: the guys that roam chat rooms desperate for some attention.. the married dudes in the romance chats dh: oh lord dh: what are you bored? onebadjen: we are both bored dh: lol dh: must be onebadjen: yep onebadjen: are you bored? dh: lol not bored enough to talk to idiots onebadjen: she said for me to say hello dh: well tell her hello right back dh: lol im afraid to ask what you been doing lately onebadjen: O:-) dh: you didnt have anything to do with that guy downtown a few weeks ago did you? onebadjen: which one? dh: the one with the salad tongs up his ass onebadjen: omg dh: my bro told me about it a few weeks ago lol onebadjen: i am laughing so hard i might wake up sis dh: seriously happened dh: guy claimed 2 women did it to em onebadjen: lmao dh: you were the first person i thought of sick enough to do somethin like that onebadjen: me? dh: lol onebadjen: sweet lil' me? dh: yes you dh: and youd take a picture too lol onebadjen: brandy says our alibies will hold up. dh: lol oh realy onebadjen: uh uh dh: lol dh: lol i believe ya onebadjen: so why are you up so late? >:) dh: cuz i cant sleep dh: my hours are all fucked up anyway. woke up at 2 pm today onebadjen: damn onebadjen: mine have been fucked too.. weird work shifts dh: hehe speaking of fucked onebadjen: :| onebadjen: fucked? onebadjen: heh dh: ;) onebadjen: i have forgotten what that is.... dh: no dh: lol onebadjen: haven't had sex like all year.. dh: lol dh: damn dh: too true dh: you working tomorrow? dh: err today onebadjen: at 1pm dh: ok onebadjen: whats wrong w/ now? onebadjen: :D dh: errrm tempting but its 4 am onebadjen: should i give brandy your screen name? onebadjen: she is curious onebadjen: about alot of things dh: really? onebadjen: uh huh onebadjen: :D dh: heh you leave alot to the imagination there dh: sure go ahead onebadjen: >:D< onebadjen: so whats wrong w/ it being 4am?
conversation went on a few w/ me trying to get some play time, and him, well being him... and i'll let y'all wonder if i "won" or not.
is it a bad thing though if no one disagreed with him about my capabilities to do such a thing? not brandy, not my canadian friend, heck not even my boss when i was joking around w/ her when she asked why i was so tired at work today...
bucked it up and called my ex... i politely reminded him that hanging up on me gets him nowhere, and asked if he was ready to work this out. he rambled on about the "I TOLD YOU this and I TOLD YOU that" as is his habit (and another reason he is an EX). at this point he had found out his schedule (which he didn't have when he initially called, but also claims he TOLD me). but to make this shorter than the long one earlier, he is now trying to "play nice" and i get to keep my plans w/ my son saturday (dinosaurs at gsu YAY!) and he gets "his" weekend. however the kid is crying, he is pissed, he says its not his dad's weekend and has a million and one reason's why he should not spend the weekend w/ his dad. he is six. they like their schedules at that age. and after all he has just been home 2 days after spending 2 with his dad (read GRANDMA). but anyway, its all fixed as soon as my mini me's feathers get unruffled. next week he'll be pissed because he is home with me.
after dealing w/ this shit though i have a headache and DEFINATELY need to get w/ my fb so he can tag my ass and pull my hair and do all the nasty stuff i like him to do to me... nothing like a grudge fuck to rid myself of aggression and put that idea invoving scissors and a self-defense plea out of my head.
a long rant about my ex and child custody, skip to the end and comment maybe..
my ex just called and hung up on me. he is very good at that. once at work me and my boss had a pretty fun time counting the frenquency he did that in just one day. is it because he is the youngest in his family and a bit spoiled? or is this just what men do? i have never been in a romantic relationship outside of him... since our divorce i have made a few male friends, but generally there is only one reason we call each other.. well actually they call me... i have this phobia that if i call them they will think i am a psycho-stalker and not like me. but anyway back to my ex. he called me asking what i had decided to do w/ our son this weekend. i didn't realize there really was anthing to decide. its my weekend, he is the one that had the fit about just rotating weekends instead of going by the custody agreement, which would dictate this as my weekend anyway i think (i'd have to check). i already am much more liberal with him getting his son than the agreement says, to the great annoyance of my family (who have no vices, only very irritating virtues... that LDS background, gotta love it) who don't like that my ex and his family drink and smoke and that my ex rides my son around on the motorcycle and don't see why i ever married him in the first place. put it this way.. my dad didn't come to the wedding, but he paid for the divorce. anyway i digress again. part of the reason i let my ex's family is the convience of child care... my boss has it worked out where i work 3 days a week and still get my 40 hrs. she'll put me on for 2 days prior to "his" weekend, sunday, and then two days after "his" weekend. that way the boy gets to spend say thursday until tuesday with his dad every other week. sometimes wednesday included, depending on how the schedule fell. granted our son sees little of his father during that time... mostly he is with his grandmother (who while i was married to her son was great, but now likes to cuss me so i avoid her.. as if its MY fault her son decided he'd rather.. ok shut up be nice save it for another time...). anyway due to the holidays, our de facto custody agreement kinda slid abit. mainly because HE gave up the time to be with hs son so he could spend time w/ his girlfriend and go to some parties and the such like. he even asked to bring him home early when i "let" him have the school holiday, hoping they'd actully get a bit of time in together. well for whatever reason he is unexpectedly off this weekend. and my boss accidently put me on thursday and friday. then i work a weird shift sunday.. not my usual 8am-12am, but 12am-4pm instead. this weekend i had asked my ex if they wanted to keep our son thursday and friday (both days i get off work at 12am, its better if someone just keeps the kid overnight), or if it would be more convienant if i made other arrangements. my family is generally happy to keep him, if for no other reason it blocks him. and then he calls me about 15 minutes ago with this question i had no idea i was supposed to have been considering. granted i am open to the idea, except i don't get many weekends where i can spend sunday afternoon with my son, but i am usually all for the ease of all people involved in an issue... so i am thinking "hey why not.. beats having to get him back either friday night or saturday morning (plus i haven't got laid yet this year and if he is w/ his dad i might be able to get some before my period starts and things get messy... and i did take the boy most of the time when his dad SHOULD have had him and it prevented me from having some kinky nasty mad sex with my buddy new years eve when my ex SHOULD have had the kid but gave him back to me to HE could go get drunk and get some... but i am a mommy first and foremost so if it comes to getting some and time with my child, well that is why i own toys and sometimes take VERY long showers). so i tell my ex, "i don't know let me think about it" not in a fuck off tone, not in a bitchy tone, just that... i just needed to few to think about it. i love my kid and want to whats best for him stabilty wise.. which is why he has never met any of "mommy's friends" and why i am a good girl when he is home (with the exception of the occasional adventue to my fb's apt at 2am or so if my sister is home to "watch" my son.. although i certainly hope he'd be sleeping that time of night, and so is she, and so i might be is i was home, but at any rate he doesn't know i am gone and in the advent he woke up my sis can call my cell.)
well back to the point, my ex called and pushed the issue of our son staying with him this weekend. i said i don't know, i kinda need to think about it. i was looking forward to hanging out with him this weekend and relaxing after all the holiday bs, but i can see your point because you are off, any clue on what next weekend looks like has your boss flip flopped your schedule. he says no clue, hasn't seen the schedule. he pushed for the weekend again, and i again plead for a bit to think about it and lets find out what is going on... and then *CLICK* rat bastard hung up on me. and i was really leaning toward caving in due to the aforementioned reasons (i haven't got laid this year). just what do YOU think he accomplished with that?
gee ranting is fun.. is there even a logical train of thought here?
Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased.
Thus we refute entropy.
--Spider Robinson
STRESS MANAGEMENT: A VISUALIZATION
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water...
There now, feeling better?
Source: Mental Health Net
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
Carl Gustav Jung
"In saying what is obvious, never choose cunning. Yelling works better."
Cynthia Ozick
"Being misunderstood by someone is vexation. Being misunderstood by everyone is tragedy."
