after it became apparent that sis was going to be staying home and in her room i asked her if she would be pissed off more if i left, she was all "no, why would i be pissed off, who said i was pissed off?" pulled the "i'm just tired leave me alone" attitude. so i went over to see that guy that i have been chatting which that knows (and dislikes supposedly) my ex, not for any expressed purpose.. just to get out and away. me and him seemed to hit it off ok... and no, i didn't fuck him. we did watch porn though. porn amuses me. it seldom gets me hot.. some does, but the majority is just plain amusing. i could go off on it, but i'll save it for another time.
i am about pining for kevin though. i hate it. i wonder what else he has going on... i have a suspicious mind. but sometimes things like that are justified. not that i am exactly the epitome of loyalty, but had he called i would have ditched the big guy and gone and let kev fuck my brains out. i have ditched dates for kev before. i am missing daniel too. bad.i know that the current situation w/ them is my fault... i never call, i act like all i want is one thing... in short, i act like a damn guy.
in fact in a conversation in which one buddy remarked that i am rather aggressive for a girl, another buddy commented "fuck, you're aggressive for a GUY."
sis just came home in a pisser of a mood. trying to start a fight. when my ex would do that i could leave... go for a drive, walk around walmart, something... just get out of each other's spaces. i can't really do that with her because of the kid. she will take me leaving as my dumping "babysitting duty" on her, even though he is sound asleep and she is either going to: 1) throw away everything in the house and blame me for it being a mess even though i am the one who cleaned up the damn pot of moldy peas today she left on the stove since a couple days ago and took out the trash and washed the dishes including the ones she left in the living room 2) throw out all the cats and cuss them because one of them crapped on her bathroom floor which is somehow my fault too 3) bitch at me about things i already know about my ex husband and can do nothing about and act like me marring him was a personal attack on her and i should have known better and i am such a loser because of him 4) sit and watch tv and eat something loudly 5) take a shower and go to sleep. 6) some combination of the above
right now i hear her gathering change up in her room (she is as broke as me) so perhaps she is going to go somewhere.
i really feel like swatting her but i refuse to be baited into an argument.
kid is home 20 minutes and i havd already had to hunt him down at a neighbors house (he went over there when he was supposed to be walking and feeding his dog), fuss at him for yelling in the house, tell him 3 times to pick up the video tape and dvd mess he made, the dog is in the house chasing the cats, and damn he has put in "the lost boys" to watch AGAIN!!!
i sure am gonna miss him when his dad has him this weekend.
damn tblog is clogged with ads the past couple days. not just the mexican pharmacy stuff but who the hell wants to see young boys peeing? and "anna malle" gallery???? geesh. i haven't clicked any of them to see what they actually are... scared of that.
my baby boy is off to school. sis is at work. cats are around being lazy. the sheila pup is not barking for a change. oops... spoke too soon. i am eating apple jacks which despite my meds will wreak havoc with my blood sugar and make me sleepy. i eat both the red ones and the green ones. i prefer kashi cereal, but was too broke to buy my own box of cereal this week so am eating the apple jacks. they were buy one get one free. there is a flock of red wing black birds in the yard making noise. i need to clean the living room again. i need to finish cleaning my room. maybe i should find a 2nd job. i am still tired, not so much physically... but its psychosomatic... i feel like hell emotionally so i do physically too. i want to move far far away and avoid everyone i know. i hear alaska is nice.
Selye proposed a three-stage model of the stress response, which he termed the general adaptation syndrome. The three stages in Selye’s model are alarm, resistance, and exhaustion. The alarm stage is a generalized state of arousal during the body’s initial response to the stressor. In the resistance stage, the body adapts to the stressor and continues to resist it with a high level of physiological arousal. When the stress persists for a long time, and the body is chronically overactive, resistance fails and the body moves to the exhaustion stage. In this stage, the body is vulnerable to disease and even death.
i am so fucking tired.
just because i don't CARE doesn't mean i don't UNDERSTAND
i like "EEvil," he is good to vent with. like SB, he gives at least the appearence of understanding... whether he actually cares or not. i have been chatting with EEvil since gawd... forever it seems now... i have shared stuff with him i have shared with no one else. i feel a bit less like burning things after a brief chat with him.
my son is asleep, as well he should be at 10pm. but i regret that i sent him to bed in a rage stemming from acrimony evoked by my feelings of belittlement towards me, and the neglect towards him, by his father.
not that you can tell either of them that it is so, the neglectful behavior... and not that i would attempt to. it would be wrong of me to throw the reality of what a father should be in my 6 year old son's face.. and all of my best efforts have already been wasted as far as my ex goes. for a time the divorce seemed to serve as a reality check for him. but now he has resumed the lifestyle that he was engaged in before i divorced him... in which a child (or family) is much like a neat toy or pet... to be shown off when my ex has time and to be "someone else's problem" when things are not running the way my ex wants or he ceases to be a convienence.
of course as my son was laying sulking in the bed, he asked "when will it be my dad's weekend again?"
i have always been very lenient in matters of custody. but i see why some parents make things hell for the non custodial parent now.
i also see why some mothers are in such a rush to hunt down stepdaddy's for their kids now too. despite the potential benefits i don't think i could deal with the risks though.
i wish i had someone that would not just let me cry on his shoulder, but want me to.
i hate being angry, and i usually end up internalizing it. i hate the way iy affects me physically. the rage, the autonomic physiological response. the way the skin on my arms seems to go numb. my stomach in knots, the nausea... the way i literally seem to see red. the fear that i may lash out at innocents. i wish i did not have this stress that is eliciting the anger.
i could try anger management classes, if i had the money. which i don't due to my ex's lack of paying his child support. medication could be an option as well... but the same contingency applies. but maybe if i had more than $20 to last me until payday, $15 of which will be going to a doctor's appointment on tuesday for my son's behavioral issues i'd be a little less pissed off. its not that big of a deal unless there is an emergency.. yes the electric bill and the water bill are past due, but nothing is in danger of being cut off, and i'll have the cash to pay them this weekend. and its not from lack of money management. yes, sis and i split on taking mom out for her birthday yesterday. but that was only $32 total. i should have enough gas in my car for a few days. it may mean having to tell kev no if he wants to get together, or hitting him up for gas money. meanwhile, my ex is probably at the bar where his girlfriend works and doing whatever the hell he wants to do. he will bring the kid to visit her when it is "his weekend" and fuck her brains out with the kid there. hell he has even been known to take the kid to the damn bar and hang out. once the kid told me about being left with the "policeman" (security guard i guess?) outside while his dad went in "for a minute." i don't care about him having a girlfriend, i don't really care about her having contact with her as long as she isn't some psycho-chic. but letting her cut my kid's hair... and mangling it so damn bad... there is a fricking' bald patch in the back and the woman who usually cuts his hair says its gonna be two weeks before its grown enough she can fix it kinda isn't right. i am so terrified that if i had "company" over here someone would gossip and call my ex and he'd start all kinds of crap... because obviously anyone who i would meet and bring home would be ALL WRONG to be in contact with his son, and i would be a DUMB CUNT, and he will HAVE to call DFACS... and by the time he got done with it he'd be telling people i was a fucking prostitute.
i about freaked out, yelled at my son for throwing half his supper away not because he was full, but because he "didn't want it anymore." my ex may be able to afford to take the kid out to eat and waste stuff.. but i can't right now. and when i have brought up this fact to him, he always suggests that if i can't take care of the kid maybe i should let him have custody. which would mean my kid's grandma would raise him.
and HE has the nerve to tell ME that i don't give a damn how me filing for child support collection will effect HIM.
i am weary of my ex's existance.
i think sometimes anger is justified and people ought to fuck off and look at WHY.
itsbeen a cold wet rainy day. at about 2pm i suggested to my kid we need naps. he says no he isn't sleepy... and was out within 5 minutes of laying down. i woke up a bit ago.. and he won't get up. i call him and he blinks a little. its almost like when i am trying to get him up for school in the mornings. if i thought he'd sleep through i'd just let his lil' butt stay in the bed.
why is it that kids need dragged out of bed in the morning before scool, but on a weekend will be up at first light? that and sis is terrible about her alarm clock. she lets it beep and beep... will hit the snooze, than let it beep again for 10 minutes. i suppose i ought to have dragged my ass home before 5am. i fell right to sleep i must say that. i wish it had been kev i saw, i haven't had a shower yet and i would still be smelling like him this morning...
i can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes...
took my mom out for her birthday... me my kid and sis... went to a sushi place near her job, she is some sort of director at a historic home downtown, as well as a tour guide. when we got back to her job we were all hanging around the house there and i put my son up to peeping out the upstairs windows "playing ghost." passersby have been known to scream, as it is supposed to be a haunted house and has been on the history channel and all. mom is notorious for doing that. flicking lights on and off at night, and peeping out the windows in victorian costume. my whole damn family is evil.
my new phone hadn't been up an running more than 2 hours before a certain subbie buddy of mine called me yesterday. i text messaged him back from my phone, didn't feel like talking to him right then, not that my cell has a signal enough to converse out here in the sticks. after a couple of interchanges where i had explained that i had been without a cell and he expressed his relief that i hadn't toatlly dissed him i didn't get anything back.. figured he got busy etc... this am when i was heading out to tommy's the phone had a new message fit and i got the other messages he had sent last night. i figured he was at work so didn't call or message back. a little bit ago he called... i mulled it over and went ahead and called him from my home phone after i messaged him and the damn phone told me it failed sending. i think this phone is worse that the 1st one as far as signal out here. i usually make him call me, after all HE is the subbie and he lives in VA so its long distance. and since I am the domme bitch, i shouldn't have to pay. which works. as much as he calls, he obviousy doesn't mind... and since he is a good boy he won't call my home number without permission. how these few weeks without me having a phone must have killed him! thus far he has been the only incoming calls i have had. of course i have not told most every one i am "connected" again. its been kinda peaceful.
kid woke up at 1230am screaming bloody murder about his toys being stuck to the ceiling. some nightmare, huh? i will have to remember that to use as a threat when he won't pic up his stuff "i'm gonna crazy glue all your toys to the ceiling...." i suppose his dad or grandma already uses that one though if he is having nightmares about it. after he woke up he got in my bed an talked to himself for about 2 or 3 hours straight... neither asleep nor awake. i was awake. i asked him what he was talking about, he said it was none of my business. i asked why he was talking, he said because he LIKES talking to himself. i asked if he was asleep, he said yes. he was running a touch of a fever... nothing high enough for him to be hallucinating, so i chalked up it all up to exhaustion and dreaming and just watched him to make sure the temperture didn't spike or he didn't start really going off or anything. the temp was down in the morning, but he had woke fully up another time or two, so i had mercy on his teacher and kept him home... at 645am his eyes were all bloodshot and he couldn't get fully alert... i probably could have sent him to school... but he came to staff meeting at work with me instead. where he actually behaved. my co-workers remarked they knew he must be ill. usually he cuts up and is a little monster. when we got back here i gathered the stuff to go pay a couple bills, went online a sec, and tommy needed to run errands in the same vicinity of town so we picked him up... by then the kid was feeling better. i got picked on about the similarities in our behavior again. after we dropped tommy off we came back here and we napped. he is still sleeping. i need to wake him up. i see that there are calls missed on the phone and voice mail. mom's birthday is today. i am still sleepy. but i better get woke up and wake my buddy boy up. a subbie buddy of mine is calling me. i wish he lived closer. me and him could have ALOT of fun. i am not answering the phone though. i need to call mom.
I NOW HAVE A CELLPHONE!!!! and ohhh the stress to get it!!!
on tuesday the insurance company sent me my new phone. my boss met me at the door with it (a business address meant i would get it sooner). There was much rejoicing. i tore open the box like a kid on christmas. i start assembling the phone... the battery the SIM card... the SIM card? THE SIM CARD?????? WHERE THE HELL IS MY SIM CARD????? without a SIM card the phone can't be activated. i get on the phone w/ asurion. "so sorry, we'll ship one right out to you" "ooops! they are on backorder... it may be march 4th before you get one." "oh my, we already had you on the waiting list, now you may get two..." i am growling. i call Tmobile. "sure we can send you a SIM card, or you can purchase one and we can credit your account." well i ain't got the $30 cash in hand to buy one... send it... "ok let me call asurion and cancel theirs... and if they still send one just use whichever gets there first..." and there was much sorrow and gnashing of teeth....
when i got home from tommy's today i had voicemail on my home phone from my boss... MY SIM CARD!!! YAYAYAYA!!!!!! and there was much rejoicing.
this afternoon me and sis clean up the house a bit, actually like "company visit" clean as opposed to our usual slacker half assed jobs. my room needs cleaned still. and i still want a slave to do it. sis started talking about going to dad's house and dropping my son and oor niece that was with us at mom's a few while she did what she needed to do. i was complaining of being cranky as hell and feeling bitchy and my headhurting and distressing about the damn ex husband issues. i came online and had offline messages from JCW (an invitation to come suck his cock basically) and a message from tommy... just a hello fishing to see if i was online. hmm.. who to message back... let's see... JCW, who has been an ass, or tommy that can hold a conversation. i made sure sis was ok w/ my son and headed over to tommy's. get there, made a run to the store up the road, and then were hanging in front of the TV for a few. he says he knows where my kid got his behavorial issues from. the look on his face telling me to sit up straight and keep my feet on the floor, more bemused than anything. i can't keep my hands to myself, and when asked to do so, i ended up chewing my cuticles. he is borderline laughing at me. made a few comments as to me being "such a slut." then i would be ok awhile, then start leaning toward him, or touch him, and he would just look at me... i finally was "good" a minute or two, we were talking and i was chewing my fingers, had one foot under me and the other propped on the coffee table. then i realzied i was in "his" space again... i was like "i'm not sitting up straight anymore am i?" and he says "well i'm not anymore either" and then SLAPPED me right between my legs HARD and told me to c'mon to the bedroom... first we messed w/ the cam some.
JCW was online.
and i am Evil.
EEEEEEVIL i say.
i asked tommy to invite him to watch.
watch tommy get what HE had been begging for.
tommy messaged him under my SN. he wanted to watch.
then we didn't let him.
i am evil.
me and tommy had a near repeat of the other night.
toys... head... flogging... head... flogging while playing with toys. toys while giving head. head while flogging. toys while giving head....
my ex called again shortly after the first time this morning. this time telling me to sign reciepts saying he paid his child support. there are some i need to sign, but he wants me to sign for money i did not receive. he admits shorting me twice in the past 2 months. but doesn't remember the previous shortages. then he started in on how i can make this "easy" on myself or we can do it the hard way. he is threating to go to DFACS and file complaints against me, apparently his childs toys all over the living room floor and me and sis not vacuuming for two weeks is a health hazard in his opinion. i told him to go for it. i forewent countering that they might be more alarmed to find out his 6 yr old son sleeps in ther same bed as him during the 5 days every two weeks our son spends with him. i should have filed another police report. but i suppose i'll get my chance to do that tonight because there is a message on the answering machine saying he is coming by and the i am going to sign those receipts, despit me telling hm on the phone that i didn't want him over here, especially if he is going to be having fits in front of our son. i might just call them when he pulls up in the yard. damn my head hurts. i did get my son around 9am this morning. he was so sick. right. a bit warm, but that might have been because he was playing in the yard. right now he has no trace of a fever and is outside playing with his dog.
my ex just called, claims our son is too sick to go to school today. i am wondering though. he was supposed to come home from his dad's visitation today. i said i'd wait until after lunch to go get him. but what if my ex is plotting something sneaky? there is no telling w/ his family. i am quite distressed.
since i files child support recovery/collection on my ex i have pretty much let him be about it. just dealt w/ kid issues. well he got his notice today. called me at work wanting to know WHY. damn... WHY??? does he really need to ask??? it couldn't have anything to do with him paying if and when he feels like it could it??? and cussing me and trying to make my lfe hell and blaming me when anything in his life does not go his way??? he cussed me up and down, calling me everything from a dumb cunt (his favorite insult) to a bitch and everything inbetween. he seems to think i can also make this go away... well, he says i "BETTER" do something about it. he also doesn't think the amount they billed him was fair. he has his receipts. my favorite part was when he accused me of "just not giving a damn," probably because i refused to be baited into a cussing match. when i was telling my co-worker on the next shift about it, i realized something. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!!!! as far as a care right now they can lock his ass up. i don't care if i receive a damn penny of the money he owes. treating me like this will get him no where. after he had called my first impulse was to call the cops, but i called my dad for his opinion. he said call the cops, file the report... because while my ex made no overt threats it is intimidation and i did feel threatened. so i have a police report. my ex has a history of harrassing phone calls, not just to me, but to other family members... telling them what they need to tell me to do. there was a couple days when he called work every 15 minutes over a child custody issue. basically his plans changed and he expected instant compliance from me. i have such a headache and have been grinding my teeth. and of course this is a night when it seems that no one is around to help me allieviate some of this stress.
is it possible to have an endorphin hangover? i know we talk about things like "subbie crashes" and stuff like that so i only assume there is. and tommy does put me a little further into "subspace" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_" title="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_" target="_blank"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...%28BDSM%29 than kev does.. simply because i trust him more. and i spent alot of time last night out of breath. gagging. not that kevin doesn't do that, and is in fact WORSE (err... is that better?). but the main thing is i don't have all the OTHER aches and pains today associated with playing w/ kev, and it has been awhile since i could play like this w/ tommy. tommy likes me to be still while he does stuff to me, and then go down on him, whereas sex with kevin is contact sport. i was struck last night about how GOOD i felt on my way home from tommy's. a bit wet and sticky, but GOOD. not that i don't feel good after leaving kev's, but i am in such a jittery, nervous state it takes a couple hours to settle down to rest. when i came home last night i pretty much went straight to bed and dreamt pleasant dreams.
and now it is time to go to work. and i still haven't wrote the post i meant to earlier. i suck.
how can i have such a bad headache this morning? i only had a few sips of that cheap wine i brought over to TK's last night. and he doesn't throw me around the same way kev does.. in fact nothing is really sore at all, except my head. after getting kev last wek i hurt for a few days, muscle aches, and we won't even talk about my ass. i may pop my meds and go back to bed. i did want to clean the living room up some. i need a neck massage.
sexless satiation depending on your definition or sex at least. i am definately a remorseless slut though. tommy has his place to himself for a week, and we made plans for me to come over to play. time to REALLY play has been a rarity lately. i got over there and took a shower while chatted online, presumably being a cam slut. when i got out he was chatting w/ a domme near us. i don't know her though. we spend a few minutes talking and looking at our buddy lists. he likes to be watched, and i don't mind a bit either. some chic he knows did, but she didn't get into playing "director" like he likes someone to do... i get really into what i was doing, and then he decided it was my turn so to speak and we go to his room and he has me lie on my back on the bed. he wants me to be still, at least try, and hold my self open for him.... he starts going through my toy bag... now kevin doing that would alarm me and i would be flinching and be ready to duck and cover. but hell. a few of those toys i GOT from tommy. he got something in me and goes down on my clit a minute... i cum hard.. then he gets one of my vibes out and puts it up against my clit and gets out the beads and gawd mmmm... at one point he got out my rubber flogger and had taken that to my inner thighs and cunt. he is trying to make me keep my legs spread and fist me and gawd mmmmm... i can't breathe i am cumming too hard... then he tells me to take him all the way and i am gagging and cumming from the gagging and he gets out the flogger and is taking it to my backside mostly on my ass, a few to the lower back and he asks if he needs to do it harder and all i can do is moan and gag because he is so long.. then he wants me to lay so he can whip my front... got me right between the legs.... ouch, but gawd mmmmmm. i work him until he cums... and i managed not to gag, but he did end up having to put a band aid on his cock.
actually i consider myself more of a switch. a SAM maybe even. i like letting guys top me. i get exactly what i want usually. well kev top me. and daniel. been a couple weeks since i have seen him. SB says i am a pain whore. and next time he is gonna skip the cane and use a broomstick. thats what i get for giggling so much during a session. things with him aren't sexual per se. heck i never was even made to get totally naked. damn its been awhile. i think it was may of last year? something like that. i wonder if kev will ever have the patience and control for me to trust him like that. i trust daniel. i am in lust with both of them. they are the main reason i am up right now. i am dissing other guys in the hopes i hear from one of them. who says i am not a loser?
to those who still wonder, no i have not gotten my cell phone yet. i filed the claim last week, and i saw kev the other night and he denied any knowledge of my phone's whereabouts. i filed the claim online. asurion, the insurance carrier or whatever ya call it, for my phone said on the website that it would be like 24-96 hrs before i get a new phone etc. so its been over a week. i call them and they said they had some bugs in the system and were apologetic and said i should have gotten a call back the next day but the website didn't let them know about me. whatever. i am not the bitching at customer service type. especially when i know it isn't their fault. at any rate, the claim is filed, the deductable paid, and i should have my new phone on the 23rd. i won't know what to do with myself. YAY! a new security blanket! what really sucks though is i had everything set on that phoen the way i wanted it. i had just downloaded a few new ringtones to it, and had changed the one it played when kev called to "tainted love." adam was "whip it." dad was the dukes of hazzard theme. mom was "i wanna be sedated." plus of course i had lots and lots of pics stored on it. and then there were my games. granted the guys at work haven't been missing me playing "bejeweled" all day. they have been missing my phone though. even doug who considered it an evil evil object ("the voices told me something") and would occassionally paw at it like a cat does something suspicious when i left it on the counter or something had said something about me needing to get a new one soon.
i was bored after coming home. chatting a bit with PJ, her hubby is on nights, and trying to get her to go out with me. but she is too tired, don't wanna leave her 14 year old home alone (which i don't blame her there, even though i was babysitting my siblings at that age, even overnight). but thats ok, i'll get her in a leather catsuit and spank her ass yet...
out of total boredom i message JCW who has been hitting on me so hard lately, and i have been putting off. he managed to say all the wrong things and we ended the conversation w/o even a goodbye. i can deal with a guy's interest in me being purely sexual, but there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way to go about it. and what works for one, say tommy or kev, will not work for him or anyone else i hardly know and have only met a time or two. this is only like the 2nd time i have initiated contact with him, and he responds with "i really need to blow a load" right after hello. way to fuck up man! with that attitude, i'll wait on kev. who will fuck me seven ways from sunday and makes me feel weak. he can get away with telling me i need to come suck his dick and call me his cum guzzling gutter whore. i am his bitch. but JCW? nope. gotta earn that privilege. play nice a bit.
i wonder if that attitude actually works for these guys? do they really end up getting some? i suppose there are some chics out there with such self esteem issues that they are like "wow! this guy wants to meet me! and he called me the queen of his cock and wants me to suck his dick! he must really really like me!" and then i am sure they get their fair share of skank too, and probably have been known to pay for it as well. and if i know they would, then i know i shouldn't.
i forgot where i took this test, mighta been tickle.com, but i had saved the results:
Jennifer, you're a Shark!
Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types - your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Shark which means you are a Seeker / Success personality. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Seeker" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Success" characteristics. That means you've got a robust love of life and a killer instinct. Chances are you hate rules, and don't plan on getting old. You're flexible and friendly on top of being innovative and smart. In short, people respect you.
How do we know all this? How do we know you're extroverted and love being in the spotlight? Or that your mantra is "work hard, play hard"? How could we have divined that dull parties make you weep?
Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality. Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Shark.
You are an Inventor, possible professions include - systems designer, venture capitalist, actor, journalist, investment broker, real estate agent, real estate developer, strategic planner, political manager, politician, special projects developer, literary agent, restaurant/bar owner, technical trainer, diversity manager, art director, personnel systems developer, computer analyst, logistics consultant, outplacement consultant, advertising creative director, radio/TV talk show host.
*You tied on one or more of the scales, the current algorithm just breaks the tie randomly so refresh the page to see alternate results
You are a Promoter, possible professions include - real estate broker , chef, land developer, physical therapist, stock broker, news reporter, fire fighter, promoter, entrepreneur, pilot, budget analyst, insurance agent, management consultant, franchise owner, electrical engineer, aircraft mechanic, technical trainer, EEG technologist, radiological technician, emergency medical tech., corrections officer, flight attendant.
i took one awhile back that classified me as a "shark." it had the whole inventor/promoter thing going too. whicj i am not sure i agree with. i am a "people person" without a doubt though. the public amuses me. so yeah, i can see some of the careers they have listed there. i need to get my ass back to college and get those last 2 damn psych classes in and get my degree. not that i don't love my job, and not that some people make careers out of jobs like mine. but it is getting time for me to find something a bit more "busy."
about 5:30 or so i noticed we were lacking the basic elements of food here at the house. or at least anything i was willing to prepare for just me. my lil' one is with his dad. i start thinking i might want to go out to eat. i don't mind going alone, but was not in the solitary sort of mood today. but not in the mood to deal with potentially unwelcome company, which occassionally happens if i go somewhere alone around here... "hey jennifer! wow! i haven't seen you in awhile. what have you been up to? you still married? oh really? damn. i am divorced/seperated/a loser/whatever... so are you seeing anyone? i was dating so and so awhile back, remember her? she turned out to be a real psycho... blah blah blah..." while i kinda smile and nod and wish they'd go away. i dread going into walmart sometimes. the other day it was this guy that was in my PE class in 10th grade. he and my ex were good friends awhile even after graduation until my ex had the affair w/ the guys GF when we had been married about 2 years. i kicked my ex's ass, and vowed to keep my emotional space from him until i graduated from college. this guy had had the fantasy about seeing the GF get fucked by another guy (my ex) and all that BS and "started it" so to speak, yet has the nerve to still be holding a grudge against my ex and its been like 10 years or so. he had tried to get me to fuck him after he found out his GF and my ex were seeing each other, i wouldn't go there, i was like "y'all all suck ass. how idiotic can you be?" granted i would have liked to set fire to everything the 3 of them held dear back then. but i got over it.
anyway, i tried calling my youngest sis, to see if i could take my nephew out for a belated birthday dinner, but no one was home. i thought about going to the mexican restaurant where the one waiter flirts with me, but wasn't much in the mood for that. all my female friends are damn married. didn't want to be seen w/ some random-type guy and start the gossip going. ended up stopping by my sister's job and seeing if she was going on break soon. yes, the sis that i live with. the one i have sororicidal thoughts about. she happened to be just clocking out for break and we went and got sandwiches together. i am such a loser sometimes.
well work didn't kill me today, we didn't do jack shit though. sat around and watched TV w/ the guys all day. whee. at least they are all stable again.
well there coulda been, but not from anyone i wanted.
i have to work from 8am-12am. maybe i'll take the guys to get pizza and see a movie, if they all have enough from their allowances and no one freaks out at the idea. its been awhile since we did that.
i want to go out. i started to, but then thought i need a chaperone. i might get in trouble. and do bad things. so i came home. i want to get into mischeif... almost to the point of getting talked to by the cops. the kind of trouble me and kev get into.
i am a slacker. i am sitting here all bleary-eyed, just woke up. i feel jittery and a bit dizzy. shouldn't be a blood suger issue. maybe a hydration thing. this morning my ex actuall did something i have been wanting him to do. he cleaned some of his junk out of the shed. granted i am sure he is only taking stuff of any value, and not things like the old tires and things that actually qualify as junk. i neeed to go out there and round up the oil and trnny fluid for the truck. he'll probaby be taking it. he didn't yet. but he might. after he left this morning i just felt TIRED. i had stayed up until 3am, but that isn't unusual. just part of the normal jen stress cycle. i wonder if daniel is feeling better. it might be amusing to make him some homemade chicken soup and give him a call. i wonder what he'd think of that. i have never done anything like that for anyone, i used to do all sorts of nice stuff for my ex when we were married... sometimes it wasn't a waste of time. and sometimes it was even appreciated. last night when daniel messaged me i had "wanna play pirates?" as my status message on yahoo. instead of "hello" he greeted me with "i don't even want know what that is about." why is it that the people that know me best think me capable of such evil? SB says he has this fear of turning on the tv and seeing me do the perp walk with commentary such as "savannah woman guts sister with salad tongs... more at 11." speaking of SB i need to add that girl he found to my yahoo buddy list. i thought i did but i didn't. she seemed interesting. wonder how my sis will react to a shared "slave" living here part time, if me and SB find one... a female one that is, SB isn't into guys. i am sure i can come up with some plausible stories.
heard from daniel a bit ago, he has the snot plague. which sucks. because well i want him. for reasons other than the fact that his cock is much nicer than kev's. not that i would pass up kev. damn slut that i am. also chatted w/ vanilla guy, i am thinking i'd like to meet him. maybe tomorrow if i haven't scared him too bad and if he has time. well i guess that would be later today really. there is a soldier i have chatted with a few times, i am kinda liking him too, he is in iraq and won't be back until august or september, and then only for a few weeks. he is trying to arrange a "date" already for then. one of my married friends that i chat with was trying all night, he knows the answer, still tries. and then the seperated one that has the misfortune of having the same name as my ex, but i don't do phone sex really, or cyber at all... and that is what he was wanting. but i said "no" to all the propositions i had, and those that i would consider wern't able and i didn't bother... so i was a good girl. a very good girl.
its only been since wednesday. the early hours on the morning. what is that? 3 days? and i am freaking out. thinking about the other night has my damn nipples ACHING. thinking about the way he kissed me. remembering him up on me, arm around my neck, the at another point trying to make me be still... not letting me fuck back on it.. whispering "shhh... be still...." then slapping me because i couldn't be and then pulling back and trying not to let me have it, but i followed him back, sitting on his lap w/ my back to him and him letting me work it... cumming until i was too weak to keep it up and then him taking me rough again... face down, gripping the bed linens... him telling me i better be glad he didn't tie me up... me secretly wishing he would but not really sure i trust him to... and i was so sore, even today my lower back hurts, but i want it again. now.
actually the thought of playing pirates does kinda arouse me. it wouldn't be too different from the way me and kev play. i have always let him take the lead/aggressor role. i may be the instigator, and definately the enabler... but damn i feel like i am his bitch. if i got a fraction of emotional "support" or what have you from him, he probably would own my ass. well he kinda does already in one sense i guess. ouch.
the other night i pull up to his place and he is waiting for me at the door, wearing only PJ bottoms, hadn't shaved... looking just the way i like him, but somewhat sleepy. so cute. just yummy. don't say much to each other, just go to his room, and he grabs me in a kiss, his hands going into my hair just as i like... makes me so weak... he statrs to push me to the bed after my hands started roaming around his pants, but instead i go down on my knees, not that he complained... he let me do that until i could just taste it... then he pushed me to the bed... and well i am still sore... muscle aches.. my legs, my lower back. oh yeah, and my ass. at one point he wanted me to get on top.. a position i don't recall us really doing... not recently at least. and i couldn't. i have been wanting to with him. i love doing it that way. but i couldn't with him. it was weird. have i really became that much of a sub to him? i tried, but got so tight i couldn't keep him in me, and i know all that couldn't be just because his cock isn't as nice as daniel's. it just compounded things when he started on my beasts when i was trying to ride him... i can do it when i am not facing him... it was just weird. i didn't explian all of it to him, just told him about feeling weird and it wasn't "right" and so we did something else. which wasn't "weird" (to me at least) and now i need to go play w/ toys. my kid is at my sis's. i am safe.
Always the damsel in distress are you. And you secretly love being captured. Oh yes, you fight all you want, but on the inside you know you are loving every minute of it. You can pretty much get whatever you want with your sweet grin but be careful you don't push too many buttons or you'll be walking the plank!
You are so far into your friendship, that you put your own feelings on hold to save hers. You might wanna think about hooking up with your friend more than hooking up with her boyfriend....
heh. i don't like to play with attached guys. what can i say?
work didn't suck, but i am tired. our guy that lost it is back with us, very apologetic for his behavior, which i assured him i understood and am not holding anything against him... which i am not. i'm glad he is back, and hopefully will remain stable. parent teacher conferance sucked. no new news. yes i know my kid has an inabilty to remain still. guess what? i did too. my sister had problems being still, nervousness, restlessness, boredom. she chewed on her pencils on her clothes on her hair. i was always in trouble for sitting on my feet, slouching, wiggling. my nephew's parent teacher conferance went the same way. i suggested to my kid's teacher that instead of all these wonderful little mind games that my kid says "well if you do that then i will just do this and get out of it" that perhaps they should make him run laps or sprints or do push ups or sit ups during PE. just wear his little butt out. i remember being made to do that. basically they want me to take him to the doctor and get him put on meds. and i don't want that. academically he is fine except for a tendancy to rush through his work. geesh i do that... my boss fusses at me for doing my charting on the guys so soon before the end of my shift. not that it makes it ok for him... what to do?
i loathe alarm clocks. i usually wake up a few minutes before the beeping, but not today. i was dreaming something... i'm not sure what, and i am sure if it hadn't been for that beeping i'd remember it. it feels like something i should have remembered. then i started the process of getting his majesty woke up, out of bed, dressed, and now we are waiting on the bus and i am having to get mad at him again for trying to sneak junk food into his room... he eats breakfast at school, or at least i pay for him to do so.
i wish i could crawl back into bed when he leaves. i am stiff and sore and even my hair seems to hurt. my scalp does at least. my friend rob suggested i wash it w/ lidocaine. really funny. ha ha. he's just mad 'cause i got some the other night and he didn't. i had left the clothes i wore the other night by my bed, picked them up... there was hair all down the back of my shirt. i wonder how that happened. heh.
but i better not crawl back into bed. i need to go pay the property taxes, sis left a check for them... house is her property, she pays the house payment and home insurance and taxes. i pay the utilities and car insurance and pretty much buy the groceries and all, although she will buy stuff if we need it. i kinda liked just paying her a fixed sum for rent/utilities but this is how she wants to do it now... and she thinks it comes out "even" but whatever. she's blonde. all know is i have more money in my pocket w/ this arrangement. after i go by the tax office i need to go to work, its my early day today. i have to do the grocery shopping for the group home. which means i have to plan a menu for next week. fun fun. having to do the shopping for the home has really made me more sympathetic to grocery store cashiers. then there is a parent-teacher conferance today. i could go without that. my ex stopped by last night. actually paid last weeks child support. no mention of the $80 he shorted me of it a couple weeks ago, nor the money from a few weeks ago, or months ago... i am just supposed to be grateful he paid something, and with the kid there i can't really say anything to him because of his temper. i guess he didn't get anything from child support collection yet. i got a letter saying any money i got from him i had to give to them and then they pay it to me. in their own good damn time. the woman i sealt with while filing said for me not to say anything to him about filing... just let them handle it... this bites because i need the cash NOW. i get paid in a couple days. but i have just enough for gas and that is IT. is it wrong to wish terrible things on my ex the way i do sometimes? damn coming over uninvited and grrrr. i think i have time for about an hour nap. i better take it. the bus just picked up my boy.
Well you're one smart little cookie, aren't you? You're wise and clever, and just love to use your wit and learning to your advantage, and sometimes even the disadvantage of others. Well, nerd, there IS a world outside of that copy of 'Hogwarts: A History', you know.. Oh don't worry! We all know you're special. You're just a naturally good learner, right? Not too much is known about your house right now.. Wow! Not only are you intellegent, you're also an enigma!
so last night i am in the tail end of my temper tantrum... i was chatting w/ this guy who interests me... its nothing but polite conversation and he isn't into meeting offline really. but i rather like him a bit anyway. i had just got done telling what i had done.. pretty much our conversation was along the lines of the "temper temper" entry. he logs out and i start thinking about either going to bed or playing another game or two.
subbie mike messages... tells me to message kev... i fuss at him a second or two, but i go ahead and do it. i am not expecting a response from him, hell didn't even know if he was actually online:
onebadjen: heya... you around? kev: whats up kev: your boy is stupid onebadjen: mike? kev: yes onebadjen: duh lol onebadjen: he's a guy that likes spanked and bought a strap on onebadjen: soooo..... any chance you found my cell in your truck? kev: no onebadjen: damn onebadjen: guess its in bits down 21 kev: didn't know you lost it onebadjen: lol onebadjen: i messaged the hell outta you onebadjen: didn't get any response kev: when onebadjen: just here and there, offline messages kev: room mate was outta town onebadjen: ahh ok
so i am guessing the story is that i must have lost it, put it on the roof of the car when i unlocked it.. although there still is the possibilty it is in his truck.. he says he cleaned it out the other day and doesn't recall "anything there that wasn't supposed to be there" and with the roommate out of town... kev's internet access is basically through his roomie's laptop... and apparently he got his phone replaced at some point this week and if he called me he would have got that "the susbscriber is not accepting calls" message... so either mike being a good boy (can't stand "mommy and daddy" suffering from a misunderstanding... or he just likes knowing the evil domme geys hers too lol) and looking out for his mistress messages kev, or maybe kev messages him... and the evil bitch got hers. perhaps i will post the details of the depths of our depravity in this latest convergence of kev's and my orbit of lust and self destruction. but my sis is around. and just like there are things sons don't need to know about their mommies, there are things sisters don't need to know the details of either.
i like the lists people make from time to time. i think i will make one myself in few days. right now i can't get too far past say about 5 things. i'd list them but forced insight is a bitch sometimes. and i ddon't wanna think about it.
sitting here pouting, getting pissed. damn morons seem to have nothing better to do than message me and ask me for a BJ which i am not interested in doing. at least not with some guy that has the nerve to beg me for attention. not that i would MIND company, even company leading to something like that... but to ask, demand, beg, plead, whatever... and of course they are not interested in anything beyond that... sure they may recipiocate to some extent... but really, why bother? i almost went off on JCW about it.. i asked him if he had any clue how many times i was hit on in a day about that... he tried to backtrack and play nice, but it was too late. he made tonight's shitlist. at least the greek geek promises lots and lots of attention for me. not that i am in a hurry to see him again, been about a year now. might make him wait another.
i took kev off my buddy list. out of sight out of mind. i am tempted to call and see if he finally replaced his phone. but i won't. he'll either call or message me or he won't. i am not sure how i will respond. if it wasn't for the phone issue, going awhile w/o hearing from him is nothing unusual. with him it might be a few days, might be a few weeks. but the damn fact he could't drop a line responding SOMETHING about my phone... even a taunt "wouldn't you like to know" just SOMETHING. fuck him. i regularly go through the profiles on my buddy list, just to see who updated theirs (i like to change mine as the mood strikes, and a few of my friends change theirs too), but anyway he has changed his to hide his online status to those browsing profiles. makes me wonder wtf he has going on. i doubt its hiding from me, since i will leave a message if he is online or not.. that and i prefer to be approached if he is up for seeing each other. the stalker chic thing has never been my style.
i also editted my profile on yahoo, changed the settings for my photos. basically deleted everyone w/ permission to view them. if you think you should be re-added to the list, ask and i'll think about it.
And even for that do I love you the more. I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius, The more you beat me, I will fawn on you: Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me, Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave, Unworthy as I am, to follow you. What worser place can I beg in your love,-- And yet a place of high respect with me,-- Than to be used as you use your dog?
wouldn't it be nice to have someone inspire that level of devotion? there has been a time or two when i have thought i was there. when kev messages i start shaking and my heart feels like its coming out of my chest and my palms sweat.. but that is a conditioned physiological response to what i am most likely about to get from him... think pavlov's dog. i used to have the same response when daniel messaged, but i don't have the same level of anticipation anymore. i don't know if he will want to see me, just say hello, or ask if i have stuck salad tongs up anyone's ass lately. granted when we do get together i trust him 100% and am totally comfortable with him. i generally keep my guard up around kev. i can't just truely let go... i will get close... but i don't allow myself to zone out or go into subspace. pretty much at any point i can draw back and walk away with him. now daniel... there are times when it takes a few before i can function... fortunately he knows when to quit. i will feel like screaming out for more, but he knows the linits of his body, and doesn't push mine to any extremes. i am in a quandery right now. sis came home, so i can probably bail. do i wait on kev or daniel? or do i meet one of the guys that has been hitting on me? one wants to go somewhere right now... and the night is still young....
the puppy is completely devoted to my boy. if he is outside and she is in, she freaks out yapping to be let out. and when she is out and he is in, even more fits. they were too cute, running up and down the road.. she doesn't even look where she is going, just gazes up at him. if he cries, she mauls him licking his face. i don't remember tasha being so devoted. she was far more obediant i know that much... a very good dog. perhaps this one will be in time too.
men must be just as sick as they claim women to be. i hava about half a dozen "1st dates" and a one night stand or too just at me today. i am almost glad i have no cell phone right now. and very glad i don't give out my home number. JCW has been merciless... of course its partially me, and my inabilty to give a straight answer when someone is amuzing. i have thought about him joining me and kev one night, and we all discussed it. both guys were all for it. JCW is making me laugh my ass off right now. he might get a repeat. if i get horny and desperate enough. right now i think i'll wait on daniel, or kev. even if it means having to be patient. that and i might like to attempt dating one of those two sweeties, as long as they can wrap thier minds around me maybe seeing other people unless we get to a point where i don't want to. damn faithless whore that i am.
daniel : yes im back, good mornin. what ya so mad about, cept this is an evil day Jennifer : my cell phone daniel : ?? oh you lost it i take it? Jennifer : yes, but i suspect someone has it daniel : someone being? Jennifer : a rat bastard friend of mine daniel : ummm yeah if they took your phone that is pretty shitty, can ya prove it? Jennifer : i cut off service when i lost it Jennifer : and no, i can't daniel : well why would they continue to keep the phone?? what you do to them? Jennifer : long story (avoiding and omitting facts here) daniel : oh ok, well im gonna go find something that will knock me back out for the day. Jennifer : need some help with that? daniel : no Jennifer : aww ok daniel : i meant knock out as in back to sleep Jennifer : i could still help w/ that lol daniel : nope, gonna go now. c ya Jennifer : ok ttyl
i feel like such a faithless whore. i like daniel. alot. more than i want to. he and i were seeing each other last valentine's... maybe i will follow his lead and knock myself out.
kev comes online... i hit him w/ a quick message... then he's offline... online... offline... no response to my message... online... maybe he is having yahoo issues?
last night i was going to do an entry about how they always come back, then i was hit on by the jackass that ticked me off. still slightly miffed by that, but i am about over it. i figure if they can't approach me properly they aren't worth knowing. i shared the conversation with one of the guys that is interested in dating, he seconded my opinion that it was someone trying to get under my skin. but WHO?!? as far as i know i haven't done anything to anyone to make them fuck w/ me like that. and i don't play those games with anyone... all that type stuff shoule be left behind in say middle school. i think i had grown outta that by 7th grade. bleh. jackass. i think that the entry i was going to write will wait until this afternoon. it might be naptime.
I AM ONE TICKED OFF JEN!!!!! I am sitting here minding my own business and someone just HAS to fuck with me. I so hate being fucked with.
nuggieguy: why are you bad? nuggieguy: care to share? nuggieguy: haha you are cute Jennifer : i don't know you nuggieguy: i am a secret admirer Jennifer : uh huh nuggieguy: i like your (@)(@) Jennifer : and this changes the fact i don't know who you are how? nuggieguy: well i know someone you do nuggieguy: that is all nuggieguy: but i am not to say who Jennifer : heh nuggieguy: or they said they would be mad Jennifer : if you told nuggieguy: yes nuggieguy: if i told Jennifer : and what if i will be mad if you don't? nuggieguy: haha they said you are cute when mad nuggieguy: they are reading what you type Jennifer : oh fun Jennifer : is this someone i know offline? nuggieguy: yes Jennifer : how well? nuggieguy: quite well nuggieguy: i better not say much more nuggieguy: they said if you guessed it is ok nuggieguy: want a clue Jennifer : might as well tell me nuggieguy: think 2 fridays ago Jennifer : you expect me to remember that far back? lol nuggieguy: nm nuggieguy: i will go now nuggieguy: have a nice night there Jennifer : aww why? Jennifer : oh so not telling now? Jennifer : just had to bug me and make me think i got a psycho cyber stalker Jennifer : ok 2 fridays ago i went to a church party thing. Jennifer : oyster roast
i dropped it when it became apparent that they weren't gonna give it up. i am not fighting with anyone who can't even tell me who the hell they are. i am not into mind games. EITHER WE KNOW EACH OTHER OR WE DON'T!!!
AND IF IT IS SOME SORT OF ADMIRER WHAT A DUMBASS WAY TO INTRODUCE ONE'S SELF!!!!
my little one is sleeping. i have had a shower. my teeth have been brushed again. period seems to be over. i have a touch of a headache. i could use being used like the nasty slut i can be. seriously feel like being well i might get into that later. hopefully i will get that later. guess i will sit and zone out playing literati on yahoo games until my sis comes home. maybe chat a bit. either that or take a nap until she gets home. i'd kinda like to go somewhere. don't really want to take the nap because i might miss someone. but if i don't take the nap i might not be up to going to see someone. hellfire and damnation.
a friend of mine's daughter turns 16 next month and my friend wants to give her a sweet sixteen party, really do something special. she was fishing for ideas, as like most other kids nowdays, it seems that her daughter has everything and has done everything (nothing bad.. but just saying there is a lack of novelty). the only suggestion i had was getting a couple adjoining hotel rooms and having a pool party at someplace w/ an indoor pool, and of course renting the local skate rink for the night, neither of which she had thought of, and she rather liked the pool idea. anyone else have any ideas, keeping in mind the budget of a single mother who works at the same job as me?
home from work, got my mini me picked up from his grandpa's. dad says the kid stressed the stepmom and he doubts they will be watching him again soon. my stepmom can be pretty damn flakey. i suspect well never mind i ain't going there. she has her faults, but is ok i suppose. she tries too hard. right now the kid and his pup are playing in the street in front of the house (we live in the middle of no where and its a dead end road). i am wanting a shower after being at work so long. i like to be clean. i'd go fucking nuts if i was deprived of toothpaste and my toothbrush. i had an offline message from jc (the vanilla guy... mr sexually boring or so he claims) assuring me he hasn't forgot about me and asking what i'll be up to later. the other guy, the one divorcing, has asked if i would like to go out when he is legally able to do so. i pretty much said "not as long as you are fucking your ex" ex sex is about insane in my opinion. i know it sounds bad for me to put it to him that way, after all i am fucking kev... but i dunno... exes are different in my opinion...more entanglements. both of them sound like rather possesive types to get involved with. kev was at one point though. i think he gave up. a few weeks back he did inform me when we were chatting online that i was not to touch another man without his permission, but later he played it off as him being drunk. its my personal opinion though that people say the things they really mean when they are drunk though. might me things they did not mean to SAY, but they do MEAN them. thing is, if i could get what i need from him, i'd prbably be completely complient. but the same goes w/ daniel. i really enjoy his company. and if i had to choose... thats a talk i don't want to have. as it seems to work out one is attentive when the other is not, interspersed with spells where there just is no luv for jen at all... like right now.
i have to be to work in one hour and nine minutes. i work 10pm until 4pm tomorrow. what's that like 18hrs? granted i WILL be napping on and off during that time. (1hr and 8min now). i just woke up about 30min ago form a nap. terribly thirsty and hungry. realized i hadn't taken my meds today (diabetic) as my kid had been driving me absoultely bonkers. i think other parents will understand when i say putting your kid(s) on restriction sucks almost as much for you as it does them. (1hr and 3min) i am trying to write this while chatting w/ SB. he is another one that i could accept my kid meeting... albeit that won't happen soon, if at all... hell i don't even know when I will get to see him again. he is eating supper and it sounds yummy.. but i will wait for my meds to kick in, glucophage takes the edge off hunger a bit and i'd be less likely to eat a whole pizza or something like that. my sisters and mom and my niece and nephew all went to breakfast this morning. sis was pretty pissed i didn't go, and didn't let the kid go. with they way he has been behaving i didn't feel he deserved that treat. he cried and had a fit. his aunt is really too sympathetic. she annoys the tee total crap out of us 2 sisters that have kids. and of course she is that one that i live with. wouldn't trade her for the world, but sometimes i just want to cuss her and tell her to go get knocked up and THEN tell me about kids. (53 min) heck i would have loved to go out to breakfast this morning. of course she chalked me not wanting to go to me being too tired (i was up until 5am talking w/ that buddy last night) he seems pretty interested in dating. then there is vanillia boy joe. i like him... might have to go out with him. i didn't hear from him the past two days. maybe he found this blog and became very very afraid? he oh well we shall see. i have 45 min to get to work. it takes 7 to get there, but i am sitting here in undies and t-shirt. guess i need to get it in gear. (44min...)
isn't it nice to get compliments? i get them alot.. like the one guy i talked to last night just says i am great, so level headed blah blah blah... then i have yet to have a guy tell me i am a lousey lay... been told i give great head... that i am an awesome cook... i would make a good wife... the list goes on. my ex in one of his tantrums yelled at me about how i am too perfect and he was sorry he couldn't be good enough for me.. which i never accused him of not being.. i was pretty satisfied with him. he was just never here. i had taken one of those personality quizzes, it had said something like 89% of men were looking for women with my personality traits (i was like too bad only 11% are probably looking for my phenotype). but anyway this rant has gone on long enough... if i am so damn "perfect" why the hell am i not in a relationship with anyone? why do they always end up dating the bitchy demanding needy chic that epitomizes everything they said they hate? i have a headache. i want my fuck buddy. or someone to massage my back. or a fuck buddy willing to do stuff like that for me. bleh.
chatting w/ a guy that has hit on me for conversation every so often for awhile now. he is getting divorced, and hasn't figured out how destructive ex sex can be. i never engaged in it myself. i am at the edge of miserable. i won't go into it again. well the guy wants me to call him. if he tries to turn it into phone sex i'll cuss him. i kinda don't want to log out because of the one who i am letting make me miserable and he prbably doesn't even know it but then again he might be loving the hell outta it.
One that’s born of memories One more bruise you gave to me One more test just how much can I take
Because you’re not the one but you’re the only one Who can make me feel like this You’re not the one but you’re the only one Who can make me feel like shit
Something never meant to be Everything you meant to me Wake me when this punishment is done
Those who try and get away >From the one who gets away Someone’s always someone else’s one
damn tired of attempted mind-fucks or whatever the hell is going on.
"You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship..."
just let me know if you have my fucking cell phone.
Daily extended (by Astrology.com) Testy? Cranky? Who, you? Just because the planet in charge of your sign just so happens to be Mars, the ancient god of war? No way. It's not that you're irritable. It's just that 'the opponents' -- those of us who happen to inhabit the extra space in your world -- are just so darned uncooperative. Don't take any guff from these intruders. Put 'em right in their place.
i caved in to tommy. i knew he wouldn't do anything "bad" that would piss me off with my kid there, just take that *ahem* LOOK at that stiff um i mean stuff that he wanted me to, and maybe play a game on the PC while the kid watched some cartoons for a few minutes. what got me in my kid starts rounding up his coloring
