sheila died. just out of the blue up and died. she had gotten out of the yard the other day and ran amok but then my son got her back. i admit i didn't pay too much attention to her except to feed her and walk her when matthew is at his dad's, and since i had been on some long shifts all i did the past 2 days is feed her. i noticed today she hadn't eaten her food from yesterday and thought it odd. she had pretty much stayed under the porch today. we had a rainstorm and i went out to check on her, and she was just laying in the mud looking at me and wouldn't move, so i called the vet and had the neighbor kids help me get her in the truck. kenny lives on the way to the vet and offered to help, so i went to pick him up but by the time i got there she was dead. he insisted on burying her in his back yard. i felt bad about that.. i was going to take her home and bury her by tasha (who was struck by lightening last year)... but he was adamant about taking care of her for me. he even cleaned out the back of my truck for me, bleached it down in case there were germs and to kill the icky death smell left by well.. ick.. death is seldom clean and pretty. i feel terrible. i had called my ex before heading to the vet, figured since it is his kid's dog he'd want to help. but he was his usual asshole self. he wouldn't have helped while we were married. why should i expect different. and why do these other guys jump right in and are so considerate? tommy was when tasha died, well he did expect gas money if he had came over... but damn kenny... to bury her in HIS damn yard... we've known each other less than 2 months, granted i was familiar with his brother and all, but still... i mean this is the same guy i felt weird about staying for breakfast with this morning after watching movies all night and bailed on. think kevin would have helped me with my dog?
matthew is not going to be happy when he gets home. i did call and tell him what happened and he had 1000 questions, none of which i could really answer. mainly "why did she die?" but i don't know. maybe she got bit by a spider... i have seen black widows and such around. maybe when she was running loose the other day she got into something bad... food poisening from eating something dead, or maybe she got into antifreeze? hell if i know. and my poor baby, he really loved this dog. tasha was ok, but he was young when we got her and she bonded with me. sheila was all his. my poor kid. his uncle, his great grandma, kyle's mom, both his dogs, the prowler cat, gabby cat... i know things die. and to quote from fight club "on a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero," but i have to admit, one of my unspoken fears is that I might die, and what kid should have to deal with losing mom? i did have cancer once already. my brother died of it himself. i am scared sometimes. maybe that is why i don't always enforce things with him as i should? i think about the way the neighbor died, hit by a truck. my kid used to play with her kids. what was the last thing she said to them? was it yelling at them to clean thier rooms? did she ground them? was it an act of indifference, the "shoo kid" type thing go away and leave me alone? or was it a hug and kiss and telling them how much she loved them? what was the last thing they said to her? whatever it was they have to carry it the rest of their lives...
Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature. You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world. You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities.
The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension. This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer. You do, however, work very well with people.
first let me clarify, i DO NOT DO DRUGS. i don't even smoke. and seldom if ever drink. now on to the analogy:
ever notice how crack addicts are so fucking skinny and stressed? but then the pot smokers... well they get the munchies and are so laid back and only get cranky usually when they haven't had their fix, athough i have known a mean paranoid types, but they had other things going on. i stayed over at kenny's until like six am last night. um.. this morning i mean. hit the mickyd's drive thru (kenny was trying to get me to stay for breakfast, but fucking or not fucking, that is too much commitment for me and everyone will assume that we are fucking and not only that but that we are like a couple or something and you know that puts fear into my heart). my jeans have gotten a bit snug since i have ceased to fuck kevin on a regular basis. he is like crack to me i guess?
Your brain: 80% interpersonal, 100% visual, 140% verbal, and 80% mathematical!
Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.
Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:
Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%.
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 82% on interpersonal
You scored higher than 80% on visual
You scored higher than 95% on verbal
You scored higher than 80% on mathematical
If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The 4-Variable IQ Test http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=152 7363377007" title="http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=152 7363377007" target="_blank"http://www.okcupid.com/tests/...
met jeremy last night... played a "truth or dare" question type game only without any dare options. he is a GEEK. but then i sorta like geeks... after talking like 3 hours or so he tried to play a bit of tonsil hocky and maul me... but as he pointed out, i didn't object and he did say that i could tell him to stop if i wanted to... but WANT is such a subjective term. i may go out with him friday night. unless plans change...
then again kenny is wanting to get together and hang out...
things might have been simpler when i was happy having just a couple fuck buddies. i am not used to being a good girl. i scare the straight people.
i went ahead and took my lil' guy to school... being a good mommy i guess, and despite earlier hints he might get to stay home he was pretty chipper about it. apparently its tacos for lunch today and he was looking forward to that. the things that please six year olds... i miss him when he is in school. usually :wink:
on a more sluticious note... while getting dressed to take him to school i could smell a certain someone on my self... not in a nasty way... well mabye sorta of nasty... my hair smelled like his cologne or aftershave or something. it fucking makes me feel weak. and then driving back from the school i almst had to pull over due to a "knee jerk" type reaction thinking about last night... i am weak.
i feel bad. kenny is a great guy... a frickin' idiot almost, silly as can be... but he's a nice guy...
then meeting micheal last night... no major sparks, but then i didn't feel much physically for kev the first time i met him either, and now i am fairly whipped. and micheal captures my imagination... something kev never has done. i like talking to micheal.
then there is a "new" one maybe... i am not sure what his game is... he is another younger one, 27. i almost decided to meet him for coffee last night, but micheal had first dibs on that.
damn i am a slut.
i am tired. its a beautiful day out. but i want to go back to bed.
i almost decided to keep my kid home from school yesterday, just to spend some waking hours with him doing nothing. it seems we are always on the go... always have to be going somewhere, doing something. its been so long since we had a day to just veg and hang out... maybe at the most go get lunch somewhere. last night i had bought him several xbox games that he would not get to play until next week being as his dad gets him tomorrow. so this morning the alarm goes off. and i just turn it off and climb back into bed. of course i MEANT to get up in a minute to get him up... and i still have time to get him to school... damn do i be selfish and keep him home with me, or take him to school... i guess i need to take him to school... it would be so nice to have him home though...
before i did that dumbass thing i did get to meet micheal who yeah kinda looks like a troll like he said, not my usual phenotype but that is not really a bad thing ;)
i'll write about this later. i am still kicking myself in the ass. which hurts like bloody hell at the moment anyway, although i wouldn't say its "destroyed." and i think i know for a fact what happened to my old cell phone... "bought it off a guy i used to work with" my sore fucking ass rat bastard whorehopper right uh huh i believe that well it could be true but damn yes it is a strange coincidence isn't it? geesh. i am so wound up. i was tempted to get what i wanted and leave him is a bad way but i didn't i should have though damn whorehopper and i should not have caved and so much for writing about it later huh?
this has something to do with that love triangle thing i posted earlier and addictions and me being whipped and stress and SB thinks i should seek counseling because of a certain person having me so damn whipped feeling and that person just threatened to destroy my ass.
and my subbie is calling my cell. maybe i'll destoy his ass.
here is what SB said regarding my addiction to the one who has me whipped despite my best efforts at avoidence: "Nevertheless, I'm sure there's someone out there who can handle vicious, nasty, evil sex and still be reasonably healthy and emotionally stable."
gawd i hope i find that person, before i end up submitting to the other again.
According to a February report in the Israeli daily Ma'ariv, Itzik Simkowitz is suing a pet shop owner in Beersheeba for selling him a sickly Galerita-type cockatoo (price: the equivalent of about US$2,000) that died shortly after Simkowitz got him home. As in a classic Monty Python sketch, the shop owner initially insisted that the parrot was merely lethargic and needed time to adjust to his new surroundings, but when the parrot (to use the Python dialogue) was shown to be "a late parrot," "an ex-parrot," "a stiff," and to have "joined the choir invisible," the shop owner still refused to return the money. [The Australian-AAP, 2-11-05] http://www.msnbc.com/comics/nw.asp?vts=42520052003" title="http://www.msnbc.com/comics/nw.asp?vts=42520052003" target="_blank"http://www.msnbc.com/comics/n...
In this article, Sternberg proposes that love can be conceptualised as consisting of three primary components: passion, intimacy and commitment. These can be conceptualised as a `love triangle` with the three components forming the vertices.
Passion
`the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and related phenomena` (p. 119)
Intimacy
`feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships` (p. 119)
Commitment
`the decision that one loves someone else and ... the commitment to maintain that love` (p. 119)
These components may be combined to characterise eight kinds of love.
Kind of love
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment
Nonlove
-
-
-
Liking
-
X
-
Infatuation
X
-
-
Empty love
-
-
X
Romantic love
X
X
-
Companionate love
-
X
X
Fatuous love
X
-
X
Consumate love
X
X
X
Sternberg notes that the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops.
Passion
Passionate arousal tends to occur at the beginning of relationships, peaks relatively quickly and then reduces to a stable level as a result of habituation. Following relationship termination, an individuals capacity for passion appears to go negative for a period of time, as the individual overcomes feelings of loss.
Intimacy
Intimacy tends to peak slower than passion and then gradually reduces to a relatively low level of manifest intimacy as interpersonal bonding increases. Changes in circumstances, however, tend to activate latent intimacy, which can cause the manifest level of intimacy to return or exceed its earlier peak.
Commitment
In successful relationships, the level of commitment rises relatively slowly at first, speeds up, and then gradually levels off. Where relationships fail, the level of commitment usually decreases gradually and descends back towards the baseline.
Sternberg goes on to compare his theory with existing research and to consider a how partners love triangles could be compared, that an individual may have both ideal and real triangles, self and other triangles and interactions between all these.
This model of love is primarily of interest here as it was used by Levy and Davis (1988) when investigating adult romantic attachments.
The triangular theory of love characterizes love in a interpersonal relationship on three different scales: intimacy, passion and commitment. It was developed by Robert Sternberg. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of the three elements, intimacy, passion and commitment. Sternberg states that a relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or more.
Companionate love is a form of love that combines friendship and commitment. Companionate love is generally a personal relation you build with somebody you share your life with, but with no sexual or physical desire. It is stronger than friendship because of the extra element of commitment. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between deep friends or those who spend a lot of time together in any asexual but friendly relationship.
Consummate love is the most complete type of love experienced in interpersonal relationships, the three major components: intimacy, passion and commitment, are all present and balanced.
Consummate love may not be permanent. For example, if passion is lost over time, it may evolve into companionate love.
yesterday when i got to work my co-worker, and i like to think friend, were gossiping about men. she is rather like me and tends to end up with a collection of them if sh likes it or not as well... the difference is she feels no obligation to "choose" just one, and feels no guilt at "playing" them all. as of late though she has had one main steady "friend" and when i was trying to tell her about my thoughts on ken (basically along the lines of the previous post on here, about him not being the smartest thing) she said he reminded her alot of the guy that she is kinda with now. the way she summed him up was a pretty appropriate description of kenny as well:
"i am used to people having at least SOME kinda sense... either book smarts ot common sense, something... but its like he has NO sense at all, not that he is stupid or retarded or slow even... but its just like he is a child almost or something... and i never saw myself being with someone like that..."
nor did i, or do i? he likes alot of the same things i do, and makes a great friend thus far... but why do i feel kinda guilty and wrong for giving him a chance?
went to the racetrack with ken and my kid and my nephew and niece. he definately isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but i feel comfortable hanging out with him. do i feel the nasty mad passionate all-consuming lust that i am used to with certain other people? no. not that i am not an friendly critter when we are hanging out, and the effects of my affection on him can be well noted. especially if i am wearing black stockings and let him massage my legs like the other night when we were alone. and being a gentlemanly sort, he wouldn't go much higher than my knees. heck... he apologized for kissing me, asked if he was being too forward, the day we first met. definately a sweet guy. but... like i said, not as bright as i am used to guys, not that he is a retard or anything, but i am used to egotistical assholes. guys who have intelligence and wasted it. or just downright prefer to be wastes.
so what to do? i like this guy, in the companion sort of way, and yeah, he is fuckable. but i miss that other feeling... the fight or flight that i have with certain others. and then micheal's voice can sorta make my toes curl and he makes me blush not from being nasty.. just his insight and such...
i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to get hurt.
had a lil' note from kev. nothing much... but still my damn heart racing and shaking and HORNY and fricking "fight or flight (or fuck?)" response kicking in. geesh. i so suck. i sent a hello back to him. PJ is gonna kick my ass if i tell her. she was reminding me last night why i do not want to see him... and i quote from her, "because he is an ass hole. an ASShole. an assHOLE. a whole ASS..."
yeah yeah. and he has damn near got us arrested for public indecency and lewd behavior and there was that incident outside his apartment that people i don't even know know about.
but when he grabs me by the hair and kisses me... and oh gawd.... i am not going to think about it. i am not going to think about it. i am not going to think about it. i am not going to think about it. i am not going to think about it. i am not going to think about it.
one of the "interests" of mine lives with his brother, much like my situation... i live w/ my sis. its funny how siblings can act when their brother or sister starts dating or seeing someone. my sis got pretty damn bitchy when i did after i divorced my ex. i think that she thought i was looking for a replacement for my ex and would move out and stiff her w/ the whole house payment etc... either that ir move some loser worse than my ex in here. i think that she realizes that that isn't what is going to happen now, and when i go out she usually doesn't have much to say. it also helps she has a bit more of a social life now too.
apparently there might be some of the same sort of thing going on with kenny and his brother. his brother having gotten divorced about the same time i did... and the chic my ex was "not fucking" being involved too... well, its hard to know whats going on sometimes. i have been to their place a couple times... not in a "spend the night" type situation... although i'd be lying if i said that i was being a "good girl" so if ken's brother assumes something is going on... not that its any of his business... ken is the one i am "talking" to ya know? heh... i hate drama. i might decide to lose this one...
i still prefer talking to micheal.
and daniel is back in town.
btw... both micheal and daniel live with their brothers too.
COOKIES, A LOVE STORY -- A TOUCHING STORY OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and, with even greater effort, forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
You're a charmer with a killer sense of humor. You are very demanding, but you can also be very understanding. No matter what, you always make a lasting impression - you're quite popular. Passionate, you are an active fighter for social causes and politics. In general, you are moody, honest, a perfectionist, and very sexual.
For you, love is all about the passion! And chances are, you're currently in love. You have a strong physical response to love... And you are great at committing (As long as the person makes your toes curl!)
my blog has hung comfortably in between the mid thirties and late teens at times. it was happy there. i came home from work and went to the comment page and found that the poor thing had been assaulted. i don't really care about the hot blog list. i don't care who is on top. why ass rape my blog to get at someone else's? geesh.
Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat accurate. Then send it to all your friends, including the one who sent it to you, so they can find out what tree they fell from, but don't forget to change the subject line to your tree..
Dec 23 to Jan 01 .........Apple Tree Jan 01 to Jan 11 .........Fir Tree Jan 12 to Jan 24.......... Elm Tree Jan 25 to Feb 03......... Cypress Tree Feb 04 to Feb 08......... Poplar Tree Feb 09 to Feb 18..........Cedar Tree Feb 19 to Feb 28.........Pine Tree Mar 01 to Mar 10 .........Weeping Willow Tree Mar 11 to Mar 20 ........Lime Tree Mar 21 (only) ..............Oak Tree Mar 22 to Mar 31 .........Hazelnut Tree Apr 01 to Apr 10.......... Rowan Tree Apr 11 to Apr 20 ..........Maple Tree Apr 21 to Apr 30..........Walnut Tree May 01 to May 14........ Poplar Tree May 15 to May 24 .......Chestnut Tree May 25 to Jun 03 .........Ash Tree Jun 04 to Jun 13 ..........Hornbeam Tree Jun 14 to Jun 23 ..........Fig Tree Jun 24 (only) ...............Birch Tree Jun 25 to Jul 04 ...........Apple Tree Jul 05 to Jul 14 .............Fir Tree Jul 15 to Jul 25 .............Elm Tree Jul 26 to Aug 04 ...........Cypress Tree Aug 05 to Aug 13 .........Poplar Tree Aug 14 to Aug 23.........Cedar Tree Aug 24 to Sep 02 ..........Pine Tree Sep 03 to Sep 12 .........Weeping Willow Tree Sep 13 to Sep 22 ..........Lime Tree Sep 23 (only) ...............Olive Tree Sep 24 to Oct 03.......... Hazelnut Tree Oct 04 to Oct 13.......... Rowan Tree Oct 14 to Oct 23 ...........Maple Tree Oct 24 to Nov 11 ...........Walnut Tree Nov 12 to Nov 21 ..........Chestnut Tree Nov 22 to Dec 01............ Ash Tree Dec 02 to Dec 11 ..........Hornbeam Tree Dec 12 to Dec 21 ..........Fig Tree Dec 22 (only) ..................Beech Tree
YOUR TREE (in alphabetical order)
Apple Tree (the Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.
Ash Tree (the Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.
Beech Tree (the Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).
Birch Tree (the inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, pretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
Cedar Tree (the Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.
Chestnut Tree (the Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.
Cypress Tree (the Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.
Elm Tree (the Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
Fig Tree (the Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.
Fir tree (the Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.
Hazelnut Tree (the Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.
Hornbeam Tree (the Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.
Lime Tree (the Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.
Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
Oak Tree (the Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
Olive Tree (the Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
Pine Tree (the Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.
Poplar Tree (the Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, can be irritated easily, sensitive, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership Seriously.
Rowan Tree (the Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
Walnut Tree (the Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.
Weeping Willow (the Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others Laugh.
predation can be exhausting, and i haven't been much of a predator lately... nor a housepet really... so i decided to change it for awhile. i'll change it back eventually i am sure, it is afterall one of my favorite "fight club" quotes. and one that rather reflects my personality at times. especially when it comes to matters of sex. i have scared more than a few men who aren't used to women who know what they like and aren't afraid to get it. then there are some guys who like my aggression.
the new blog title also reflects that i think i am looking for more than the fuck buddies, friends with benefits thing i have had going on with kev and daniel, but am terrified of attachments still. i think i may give the "relationship thing" a try.
on a side note, kev i haven't spoke to in a month.. and daniel... well he is daniel, and i like him anyway. i haven't heard from him since he said he and his dad were heading to alaska to visit family. he might be back. he might not. but i know better than to wait.
i really don't remamber my mother raising us to be snobs, but i have come upon the realization that i, and my sister are. i had always thought of myself as rather open-minded... back in high school i had friends from many different social groups. i was equally comfortable hanging out with the "preppy" types, nerds, and the ones who were goth before they were called that... hell i even had a few burned out perpetually wasted buddies.
but now that i think about it... most of their parents could afford to get them braces if they needed them.
ever hit one of those reflective spells? you kinda waht to talk about things going on, but then you also really just want left alone sorta because you know that talking about it with someone will just turn into yourself doing whatever the hell you want to do anyway? how does that quote i had on a profile at one time go? heh.. i save stuff like that, i'll look it up...
"The trouble with life isn't that there is no answer, it's that there are so many answers." Ruth Benedict
and here is another...
"Rationalization may be defined as self-deception by reasoning." Karen Horney
and another favorite...
"When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice." Joseph Louis Lagrange
well, that about sums up my mood right now. i am kinda tempted to write about what has me in this temper... a quandary really... one that i am sure is not being helped by PMS and eating lots of dark chocolate hershy's kisses. but hey, they are yummy. i need to try them new "dark side" M&M's... at least i don't have zits this cycle.
There is a special spark about the day today, dear Aries, that is apt to keep you on your toes. Beware of conflict with men, but at the same time, realize that there are important lessons that you can learn from them. On the same note, however, don't forget that there are important lessons that these men need to learn from you as well. Feel free to be the teacher as well as the student today
Daily extended (by Astrology.com) You've had it with delays, roadblocks, interruptions and all the rest of those interesting 'do not pass go' situations the universe has gleefully tossed in your path for the past three weeks -- or has it been three years? Regardless of what you call them, the nuisances are finally coming to an end -- and just in the nick of time. Still, give it a day or two before you try to make plans you actually want to keep. - Horoscopes by Email - Celebrity Compatibility - Dating Do's and Don'ts
Believe in your fantasies today, dear Aries, and don't forget the dreams that you hold to be most dear. These are the things that keep you alive - mentally alive. Without something to shoot for, you may find yourself just going through the motions of life without a real purpose behind your actions. Regardless of what your rational mind might suggest, it is time for you to live from your imagination.
cat fur. its everywhere. even with the cats banished. its in the key board of the computer. deathcat took a break from his critter killing to get his ears scratched and head rubbed while i was sitting on the porch watching the kid play... cat fur followed me in. i sneeze.
pollen. i swear i can feel it on my skin and in my pores. i think its in my eyes. my head hurts.
dust. in the cabinets. under the bed. breeding with the cat fur and the pollen. i want meds.
mold. i don't see any but i bet there is some around somewhere. its gotta be. maybe in sis's bathroom. a justifiable reason for sororicide?
maybe i need to start looking for some new subbie slut slave-boy types. make them come clean my house. then clean it again. and then shave the cats. and then for every cat fur i find i will give a lash with the whip...
i had the annual physical today, new doctor at that. a female one. i like male doctors a bit better. longer fingers. they tend not to "hurt" me as bad. this doc is like 4 feet tall. tiny. my cervix is kinda at the wrong angle and almost every doc that has done an gyn exam comments on it and hurts me "digging" around down there. i was surprised... she did neither, granted i am not fond of the "crank" and THAT hurt me... how in the hell do people have these medical fetishes and want to play with those things? evil. icky. ouch.
i also got the usual diabetes dicussion. my doc is diabetic. so she is a bit more sypathetic than my previous one on that. skipped the lecture doctor C would put me through. i go like every 3-4 months for the check up on the diabetes and every time he'd go through it all like this is something new. and ask me is i was sure that i don't smoke anything because my heart rate would be up... from FUSTRATION and wanting to get the hell out of there. since the cancer i have had an aversion to hanging around clinics and all.
my blood pressure kicks ass, especially for being a "fat chic".
cholesterol ain't too bad either.
i think i will go fry me an egg and put salt on it.
kenny's bother worked at the place as my ex during the time when my ex was "not fucking" carla at work. his wife used to accuse him of fucking carla too... carla was fucking a FEW people, ken's bro swears that he wasn't one of them, but his wife divorced him nonetheless. so that like 3 marriages that the chic helped wreck that i know of. the ho. but she really did me a favor and gave me the excuse i was looking for. but anyway... ken is still interested in me or so he says... wants to go out saturday night... gave him a definate maybe.
i still want to meet micheal... we'll see what happens.
i have banished the cats. no more free floating feline fur in the house. i blocked the pet door so the evil creatures can't get in. they are all congregated outside the front door peering in. they can come in when they are done shedding. damn cats.
i gotta go to work... 12am-8am. i don't think the cartoons i like come on tonight... cowboy bebop, wolf's rain, all the anime-type things.
i think i still have a snicker bar hid in my mailbox at work.
Bizarre Twist In Case Of Finger Found In Wendy's Chili
Police Search Woman's Las Vegas Home
ABC7
Apr. 7 (ABC7) — A bizarre twist to the story of a finger found in a bowl of chili at a Wendy's. It happened a couple of weeks ago in San Jose. Now we hear that investigators got a search warrant for the Las Vegas home of the woman who found the finger. ABC7's Leslie Brinkley reports that this new twist may have something to do with the woman's dead aunt.
San Jose police confirmed today that they did go to Las Vegas and working with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department, served a search warrant yesterday on a home on Coral Berry Street. They are investigating the possibility that the finger that was found in the bowl of chili in the Bay Area could belong to the deceased aunt of the woman who found the finger.
It was two weeks ago, on March 27th, that Ana Ayala found that one-and-half inch long portion of a human finger cooked into her portion of a bowl of Wendy's chili. It was determined to be a woman's finger with a manicured nail.
Forensic experts could find no match among 50 million fingerprints in the FBI database. DNA tests were conducted by the medical examiner's office. Wendy's workers were also investigated.
Now police are confirming this has turned into a criminal investigation.
Sgt. Nick Muyo, San Jose Police Dept.: "Las Vegas did assist us yesterday, I believe, in serving a search warrant down there. My understanding is that has been served and they have since cleared the scene. Our investigators have returned home, but we're not prepared to say anything at this point about what might or might not have been found."
We spoke with the Wendy's spokesperson from their headquarters in Ohio and they say it's a police matter and have heard nothing new. They would not comment further until there is more information.
>> Get ABC7 News in your inboxVideo Clips: Please note that ABC7 video reports are available for a minimum of 10 days from the date they aired, and may not be accessible past that date. Video playback requires Windows Media Player 7 or above. Download it here.
so if it turns out she put parts of her dead aunt in the chili so that she could sue wendy's and make some money, can i sue her for emotional distress? i used to love wendy's chili... and now... hell i don't know if i could even eat homemade chili that i made without getting weirded out and sick!
i spent a few minutes on the phone with micheal. he is pretty much living at work. he works in TV news. says maybe once the pope is buried he will have more time. he also sounds pretty burned out and he thinks people suck. i think people suck. i suck.
i had called kenny, but then he got another call and said it was long distance and could i call him back in 10 minutes. i didn't. i suck.
i hate not getting any. i have friends that would be willing to help me out so to speak. but i don't want to go there. i know i said i was going to try to steer clear of tommy so that his GF doesn't kick his ass... but... grrrr.... he owes me birthday spankings!!! not talking SEX here... granted yeah i want his hand on my naked ass oh gawd i need to just shut up and take more silly quizzes and play another couple rounds of literati until i get sleepy. i am afraid to even play with my toys because i will start something i can't really finish.
You are the warrior anime girl.You are the type that can start a fight and win.You are very strong and can beat anyone up (but just don't ^_~) and some people can be afraid of you but alot of people admire your strength and want to be just like you well the people that want to fight.You can defend yourself very easily and can probably handle some kind of weapon.You have a short temper(like me)and get angry easily but you can be really nice at times ^_^and once a fighter always a fighter.
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump... And - If you don't pass this along to at least one person, your nose will fall off.
Compared with Gasoline
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 . $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ...........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 . $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 . $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 . $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 . $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 . $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 . .. $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .......$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..........$21.19 per gallon?! $21.19 for WATER --and the buyers don't even know the source. (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid Pepto Bismal or Nyquil.
so i was thinking about certain "options" i have sorta available to me... and my mind began wandering... not that this is really a reflection of what i have going on, its just where my thoughts took me... but ANYWAY, lets say that you are considering potential relationships with people and you have:
one person that is lucky to have you and would do anything to keep you and you know it
and
one person you are lucky to have and would do anything to keep and they know it
now ideally i suppose it would be best to be in a situation where you are both lucky to have each other and y'all both know it. but what do you do?
do you hold out for that situation?
or do you go ahead and start something with one of the ones in the above senarios? or maybe play them both and see where it goes, risking both potential relationships because neither person "shares" well?
i think this has to be some kinda record for me... there has been no "action" so to speak since the mean marine. of course as was pointed out to me by a few people who are willing to break this streak for me i should STFU and quit my bitching because it has been by my own choice. i have to admit i have been sorely tempted to mess around with a guy or two that i know (like EEvil) that i also know won't complicate things for me... but i have been a good girl. i guess its the OCD i haven't been diagnosed with yet? right now i am bent on finding a suitable person intersted in the same things i am to do the things we want to do with. and it'd be great if it included some OTHER things as well...
i haven't heard anything back from the guy that knows kev... a good thing? and nothing from kev either... also a good thing i believe.
nothing from micheal yesterday... but hell he had worked like 20 hrs straight so he says... i'll give him time. he seems interesting. reminds me ALOT of my friend SB. which might be a good thing.
and then kenny... he makes me smile too. he called this morning from his job, but i didn't answer... the cell signal sucks out here and i would have had to call him back from my home phone and i'm not into calling people at their work, unless i have permission to do so. it looks like i will meet him for lunch friday maybe.
JC still wants me to meet him at the jinx one night... but he doesn't quite have the same interests i do... although he seems like a sweet guy...
*sigh* and no new mail from micheal yet. i'll live. but i do like hearing from him.
well enough of this BS. i need to get ready for work. take out the trash. and then go to work. blech.
my kid's behavior report was not perfect. the 1st time since he started the meds. his offense? basically failure to follow directions. they were told to complete a worksheet, front only, and when done put their heads down on their desks. he went ahead and did the back, working ahead of the class. i used to get in trouble for that.
he was also reminded that the brats next door are NOT his friends. the big problem is they are twice his and the other boy he plays with ages. yet they still insist on playing with the little kids... and starting fights. we need more boys in the neighborhood, or at least kids that play outside instead of watching cartoons or whatever "house kids" do all afternoon. the kids next door are "friendly" one week... but then break his things and do stuff like throw rocks the next. they have got issues. but they are not my kids, so its not my place to describe them.
i had quite a nice conversation with the man that gave me his phone number. he wants to meet for lunch on friday. as i told him, right now i have no reason to say no. he wanted to know how much "competition" he has... i told him.
and speaking of the "competition," we exchanged some emails yesterday. he has been working some terrible shifts or something of the sort. says he is going to give me a call today...
i might have liked to chat a bit with the "small world" guy, but i didn't get online much last night because of the phone (chic from work called and we chatted and all) and my kid having nightmares. its probably best i don't touch that anyway due to him being near kev.
the potential for amusement (both mine and his) in that situation is astounding though.
but i'm being a GOOD GIRL. really. i am. yep. a very good girl...
well one of the guys i chatted with last night just messaged me while on his lunch break and threw his home number at me.
not kev's neighbor.
which might be a good thing? hmm... dunno.
and now ben is going off on wanting me. as usual. he is a cute one... like 22 i think... i haven't met him. but he has kept this up a year or so. i'm like me and how many others? just you he says. sure, like i believe that... just me until the next best thing comes along.
anyway... this "new" guy... the one that gave me his number asked if i would call him when he gets home this evening (yes, its a home number... not a cell... not a pager...).
and i have no reason NOT to call... so sure why not?
i didn't give him my number, and when i call i will block it so he doesn't get it off his caller id if he has it...
no new email from that guy that i was liking, or phone call, nothing the past couple days. as much as he appeared to be liking me i am sure there is a good reason? or not?
hmm. i hate limbo.
there are of course other options... and if you are a buddy of mine reading this who considers yourself an option, let me know... also i don't want to give the impression that anyone is "2nd choice" as i explained to a guy who has since given up on me, its whoever holds my attention span these days, and the best way to do that is to talk to me, call me, persue me... i need a bit of reinforcement... reminders... not much... just something...
like this guy... he could shoot me an email or something... just a quick "hey i'm busy, sorry. i'll get back to you soon." or if for some reason he has decided he isn't interested but doesn't want to totally blow me off, something along the lines of "things have come up and its going to be awhile before i have time to talk. i'll get back to you eventually maybe." if not email, yahoo messenger... something.
of course as i said, there could be a pefectly good reason i have heard nothing from him since thursday. but in the meantime, i'll explore other options. of course being an honest slut creature to a fault, i'll probably mention to any new primary interests that "there was this guy i was talking to... but i don't know whats going on there..." i was liking he guy too much to completely slam the door on him, even though i really have limited data to make that assessment on... but somethings you just kinda "know."
like kev's former neighbor. i bet he could be a new fuck buddy that rivals kev. and he appears far more intellectually interesting... not that i am dissing kev... he is great and i have no regrets... but it'd be nice to have a FB that can hold a conversation and that isn't perpetually drunk.
of course i really want a bit more than a fuckbuddy... which is what i was hoping micheal could be... not that i really sure of what i want... but it'd have been nice to explore some options with him.
whoever i decide to meet... i am going to be pretty damn picky. i always have been. and i usually do manage to meet the ones that last awhile, if i don't manage to infuriate them somehow.
in the meantime... damn what to do? i am having some horny jen issues... cranky, headaches...
i was messing around on yahoo, checking out potential... bored.... avoiding going to the store... messaged a local guy...
and DAYUM....
he was kev's neighbor.
knew ALL about the incident with the cops.
he is glad kev moved.
DAYUM.
think he'd hold me and kev having been fuck buddies against me?
i guess savannah is not so big afterall.
*logs off the pc for the night while humming "its a small world afterall... its a small world afterall... its a small world afterall... its a small small world..."
of all the pains i have experienced, i think a headache is the worst. especially this damn nonspecific type i have right now. it just hurts. could be i need to drink more water. could be too much sun today. it could be i need fucked like a slut. it could be i need to eat something.
pain can be rather interesting. and i have experienced many different forms of it, from gallstones to c-sections after hours of labor, to all the lymph nodes removed from under my left arm, stubbing toes and slamming fingers in doors and deep cuts and icky road rash scrapes. they all have nothing on a headache.
i had an entry almost done... then the wind blew away our electricty. and i swear we must be way at the bottom of the fix it list. it might be an entry worth re-writing, i don't know. it might be to me at least... and of course this IS all about me damnit. if you want it to be about YOU write your own damn blog. or give me something to write about. basically the entry was a reflection on men and sex and all those things that interest me... and how i seriously need some sex. i might be high maintanance sexually. maybe. heh. i suck. and as PJ reminded me when we were hanging at her house watching a movie w/ her hubby and a part of the movie grossed me out and i couldn't look and was about to gag, "but honey, you swallow" i don't think her hubby caught that one. we are bad.
group of us "girls" met at a pub downtown, but we didn't really stay long, and we had one of those "i'm ready to leave" types with us.. you know the type... just when everyone is getting interesting they are ready to go home. i hate that. me.. i coulda ordered a beer i wouldn't have drank and flirted with the aussie guys that had just came in... and they coulda bought me more beer i wouldn't drink...
damn about wore myself out... i need to drop micheal an email about the "scenario" que stion i avoided answering last night... and the results of me having too much to think about before bed, and the lasting effects of it into this morning. i am one horny damn jen. its bad.
Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased.
Thus we refute entropy.
--Spider Robinson
STRESS MANAGEMENT: A VISUALIZATION
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water...
There now, feeling better?
Source: Mental Health Net
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
Carl Gustav Jung
"In saying what is obvious, never choose cunning. Yelling works better."
Cynthia Ozick
"Being misunderstood by someone is vexation. Being misunderstood by everyone is tragedy."
