Pangu You scored 33 Blue Dragon, 26 Red Phoenix, 13 White Tiger, and 26 Black Tortoise!
You are the center, not only are you the center you created the world.You have perfect balance, you are yin and yang.
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 0% on Blue Dragon
You scored higher than 0% on Red Phoenix
You scored higher than 0% on White Tiger
You scored higher than 0% on Black Tortoise
If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The Which Holy Beast are You? Test http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=775 3325236414384875" title="http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=775 3325236414384875" target="_blank"http://www.okcupid.com/tests/...
damn its nice to be home. me and matthew ran amok all day. i picked him up from lynn's and she is still trying to be friends i think or something. i had wanted to take my kid to see shark boy and lava girl. maybe with the david friend too being he was off and on that side of town (and no, he isn't a fuck buddy etc.) but my kid was wired. kinda like puppy let off the chain. all he could do was RUN. it must suck to be cooped up with his grandma or his dad. they don't let him have any sugar because that is the whole problem with his behavior (right). after getting lunch and paying some bills and going to best buy we headed across town to the heath food store and forsythe park. fuck i had had the WRONG shoes on all day. i like getting out there and playing on the slides and climbing things with him, but damn my feet hurt. steve had called and met us out there. my kid was on his best behavior. and i am a compulsive liar. not really. well sometimes. i am surprised about what steve remembers from when we were kids. stuff i didn't know or had forgotten.
maybe i am going to spend 4th of july evening with steve? as it stands right now... sure, why not? unless he figures out that i am truely evil incarnate between now and then.
i usually tend to just blow things up on fireworks acceptable holidays. i love the smell of gun powder.
i was looking at amyleezealot's blog (i like her blog) but anyway she has an orange marmalade tabby, and i have Daniel the Deathcat, Collector of Souls. i haven't posted his pic in awhile. think my (well actually matthew's) deathcat can take her rubarb?
i also found a pic of matthew and sheila. i haven't taken any pics of crash yet and have had him a month. he's a good dog, but i am having attachment issues. i am glad i have this pic for matthew.
matthew lost his 1st tooth today. unfortunately its his "stepmom" that gets to play tooth fairy. i would have liked to be the 1st to get to play tooth fairy, and keep the tooth of course, but i won't begrudge them. there will be other lost teeth. and the lost teeth aren't that important to the kid usually. as long as I am important to my kid... and i get him back tomorrow and i have the transformers i let him order from ebay in... now do i put them back in the mailbox tomorrow so he can pull them out? he was so funny, checking the mail a few times a day looking for them before he went to his dad's, and apparently has been driving his dad a bit nuts about them.
sis says lynn came by her job with matthew yesterday (one of sis's jobs is at a grocery store) and it didn't seem so much to shop, well she did shop... but sis got the definate feeling that she was being checked out. she thought that maybe that the chic might be trying to gather info on my ex perhaps, being that they probably haven't known each other long and having met at the bar she works at according to the story my kid tells. well i wish her luck. i have no desire to gossip about him with her. when my sis's boss, who just loves matthew (always has even before sis was employed there) asked my son who "this" is (referring to lynn) she told pam "his stepmother." i wasn't aware they were married. not that i give a shit what my ex does, but i am very interested in things that go on in my kid's life. but oh well. she seems pleasant enough. although my kid may eat her alive one day.
i need to start sleeping at night. just turn the phone off. granted yeah i like to talk sometimes... and for the 1st time in years i have people to talk to... granted yes, they are guys... but i like men. i still need female friends... one day maybe... i like molly and she will be in town visiting ryan maybe she and i can get together... she says she wants to (and NO y'all quit thinking about us being bad bad girls and don't start all the "be sure to take pics" comments i sometimes get from the people i chat with... we are talking FRIENDS).
i hope it isn't monday all week. steve had called me earlier today then got busy or something said he'd call back but didn't. i hate that. not that i don't understand, i have been guilty of it myself more than once. maybe thats why it disturbs me so? because i know that sometimes i don't call back because well because i really don't feel like talking. or maybe don't feel like talking to that person... i guess thats why i never call anyone period unless i have an invite to call. paranoia perhaps? a feeling i am intruding? i don't know. jen issues.
well i hope that for whatever reason he didn't call back that he is ok.
you know you have watched too much monty python when
You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to dress well and take care of him / herself.
With respect to money, you are a bit stingy.
You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.
You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you don't have any particular type in mind, but you are inclined to look for someone who will say yes when you ask him / her out.
2nd... i should have bought cat food yesterday but didn't go anywhere
3rd... bleh
4th... my gawd daniel is back and for a second i couldn't breathe when he messaged even though i decided that well i am not patient enough for him lets just put it that way, but still when a guy does it for you.. he does it for you
5th... i haven't blogged on my planned subject
6th... was it 11am or 1pm that i was supposed to be in to work?
heh. as long as it isn't really wednesday and damn life stealing aliens didn't steal tuesday from me. you know they like tuesdays.
and by the way... david, i slept with my bathroom light on. its your fault. not that i am a firm believer in paranormal activities but if we are going to talk at 1am let's skip that topic, ok?
hehe... but then again, they are after you not me... it was your lightbulb that blew and phone that went dead... maybe i am in league with them *diabolical laugh*
my ex had his head up his ass when i called him today. he had called last night regarding the kid's meds. i retuned his call that night, but he didn't pick up... so i called him back today (uh guess that would be yesterday now). there was just 2 things we needed to talk about: 1) meds 2) do i pick matthew up thursday, or do i need to make arrangements to get him sooner
well we never made it to #2 because he showed his ass and hung up on me regarding #1.
to explain this (short of looking back at earlier blogs) kid was diagnosed adhd, doc prescribed meds. ex had a fit no child of his is taking meds etc. ex did NOT go to the appointment or talk to the doc. it was all left to me, and being i work in the field i do... meds can be good when used properly. i agreed reluctantly with the doc. ex conceded the meds helped etc.. then summer hit, doc says its ok to administer meds PRN, and i do. explaining this to my ex has not been fun. it has gotten me cussed, threatened and well quite honestly PISSED. but one thing i am good at is maintaining my control in conflict and i do not resort to the tactics he uses. like the hanging up. and then calling back and cussing and hanging up. and calling names. i just wish i could run away to alaska with the kid. but anyway my ex has suddenly become an expert on medication along with all the other BS he thinks he is god of... i have better luck reasoning with the nuttiest of the guys at work. luckily i hadn't picked the guys up from their day program yet, 'cause i was near tears and they get very protective and defensive of their Ms. Jennifer.
work amuses me. i love my job. the guys have been a tad weird, but as long as they aren't regressing or whatever...
but while i was at work today...
david that i was supposed to meet and that kinda stood me up so to speak and i ended up at ryan's (sweetheart molly's assnugget ryan) watching movies has called the past couple days. he called today while i was at work to tell me i was right. now how often does a guy do that? gawd... after my conversation with my ex... i could have hugged him. he even invited me to give him an "i told you so" which i declined. he was at his mom's and she was threatening to kill him for all his female trauma drama or whatever you want to call it and was assuring his mom of me "i swear this one's not psycho..." little does he know... muhahahaha!
the younger david called and i really enjoy talking to him. he doesn't like that i keep telling him that if we start hanging out his dad is gonna send him to his room and then spank me though. he will though. i know it.
oh yes and steve... i chatted with him a bit. i am liking steve i think... or at the very least am curious as curious can be... remember how i posted the entry about just chatting with ryan (the one in the navy) makes me horny? its the same with steve... thinking about him... but something else too...
i mean with ryan there is a pure physical lust/attraction and a knowledge that should his situation be a bit different i could really really like him... but hell the man is a slut (not that i have room to talk there) and will be off playing navy games soon enough... and i know he has more than a couple other things going on.
but steve... i don't know.. i have huge amount of LIKE for already for him for whatever reason... even if i found out he was a whorehopper like kev... well i don't think it would deter my interest much.
and sex with him was.. well... wow... things that i had wished for YEARS my ex would do.. things that really turn me on.. he did. without me asking. without me hinting... he just did. and if that was just the 1st time getting together, imagine what it could be like once we learned exactly which buttons to push? and then falling asleep with him... i seldom trust enough to sleep with someone. i hate to type it because he will probably read it... but he could own my ass in ways kev only thought he did.
heh ok. its late and my guts are spilling.
this wasn't meant to be a long blog.
i think in fact i had intended to ramble on about how pretzel salt is a food group.
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine I keep my eyes wide open all the time I keep the ends out for the tie that binds Because you're mine, I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true I find myself alone when each day is through Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you Because you're mine, I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light I keep you on my mind both day and night And happiness I've known proves that it's right Because you're mine, I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide Because you're mine, I walk the line
yesterday it was "its a small world after all" today its johnny cash. this song has been stuck in my head alsince last night... and NO! I HAVE NOT BEEN SITTING AT THE COMPUTER ALL MORNING! i cleaned out the sink and did the dishes.. i was tempted to take a pic of it and post just how nasty sis had left it. but she might get revenge. i vacuumed sections of the living room. i took a shower. surprisingly i masturbated too... i wasn't really horny... more of a clearing my head and all type masturbation... some people take walks to help themselves think... i fuck myself.
and no SB i am not a tad manic depressive today... just contemplative still... it worries y'all when i think doesn't it? *slightly manic laugh* anyway, SB felt that these were more appropiate lyrics for me... from ac/dc no less...
I'm hot, and when I'm not I'm cold as ice When you see me comin' Just step aside Or pay the price
What I want I take What I don't I break And I don't want you Flick of my knife And I can change your life There's nothing you can do
I'm a problem child, problem child I'm a problem child, runnin' wild
i haven't listened to much ac/dc lately. i might have to round up a couple of their cds i have and put them in the truck.
i hope steve gives me a call this evening. not that i have anything to talk about really. but i do hope he calls nevertheless.
current mood: bleh. current music: i walk the line by johnny cash is stuck in my head and i don't know why... i haven't heard it in weeks current taste: taste? heh. i need to brush my teeth. current hair: i haven't combed it yet, ick current dress: shorts and t-shirt current grievance: none really current annoyance: flies and cats current smell: smell? current longing: to have someone to clean the house with me, not for me... just some company to keep me on task current game: none current thing I ought to be doing: vacuuming the living room current windows open: yahoo chat box w/ tommy. yahoo mail, blog current desktop picture: seagulls attacking my kid at lake mayer current favourite artist: heh Art artist: heh again Music artist: it varies, or is this to mean current? current favourite group: i have a few current book: some book i swiped from jack, a detective novel current cds in stereo: one i burned current colour of toenails: hmm kinda a brown with sparklies current refreshment: water current worry: the house is a mess and there are flies in here 'cause someone left the back door open current crush: hehe... wouldn't y'all like to know? current favourite celeb: hmmm, no clue current time wasting wish: the computer current hate: flies
thinking gives me a headache. i don't really want to think but i keep doing it anyway. maybe itsthe suppression of thought that is causing the headache?those that i have talked to today,well yesterday, understand i think.
grr... there it is again... that word... think...
i was thinking about steve while i was at work.
i rather like thinking about steve.
but then i think should i admit i like thinking about steve?
what if steve doesn't much like me thinking about him?
i think i will go to bed.
i have already dissed everyone i usually chat with.
So, I stole this from crimsonstorm, and I thought it looked like fun. So here's my list:
A Lifetime:
10 years ago: i was 23, had just gone through cancer treatment, was trying to get my life on track.. back to school, work all that fun stuff 5 years ago: dropped out of college YET AGAIN, trying to make my marriage work 1 year ago: discovered i really like my life Yesterday: was a bad jen. a really bad jen.. Today: more bad jen stuff, work Tomorrow: more work
5 Snacks I Enjoy: 1) ice cream 2) almond roca 3) celery 4) cookies and milk 5) beef jerky
5 Songs I Know All The Words To: 1) new pain - static x 2) red right hand - nick cave 3) blister in the sun - violent femmes 4) ring of fire - johnny cash 5) adrenaline - gavin rossdale
5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000: 1) finish college 2) set aside cash for my kid's college,same for my niece and nephew 3) make my sis go back to college 4) fix up the house or get a new one 5) do whatever the hell i wanted for awhile
5 Locations I`d Like to Run Away To: 1) alaska 2) australia 3) washington state 4) outer space with friendly aliens 5) my own private island
5 Bad Habits I Have: 1) i need to clean my room 2) i don't always follow my diet 3) i have a nasty temper, but i don't show it as bad nowdays 4) i am egocentric 5) i might be a slut
5 Things I like Doing: 1) hanging with my kid 2) sex 3) going out 4) playing 5) chatting with friends.
5 Things I Would Never Wear: 1) skinny chic clothes 2) pantsuits 3) itchy material 4) things with logos 5) 2 piece/bikini swimsuit
5 T.V. Shows I Like: 1) law and order in its many incarnations 2) shh... don't tell.. i like charmed 3) teen titans 4) cowboy bebop 5) jackass, bam, wild boyz
5 Movies I Like: 1) fight club 2) gladiator 3) cowboy bebop 4) legends of the fall 5) o brother where art thou?
5 Famous People I'd like to Meet: 1) i am not much for basking in reflected glory 2) 3) 4)
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: 1) my matthew kid 2) my life 3) my family 4) my job 5) my friends
5 Favorite Toys: 1) my cell phone 2) my truck 3) my computer 4) my new lawnmower 5) hehe... toys... hehe
5 people to tag. hmm.. now what definition of tag is implied here?
i wonder how many people i pissed off last night? i need to apologize to ryan c at least, i meant to get back with him but got a bit uh distracted. felt the need to bail offline and call someone. which is when i found out that info on the entry before this. i called david too... talked for quite awhile and was seriously tempted to go over and hang out. his dad was kicking his ass. chatted a sec with his dad on the phone too (get the fucking kink thoughts outta y'alls heads... that would be WRONG... david is like 19 and his dad 53 i think.)
i ended up deciding to meet steve... yes the one that remembers me putting a hurting on him when we were kids. and what can i say? it was the 1st time i was actually nervous about meeting someone. yes me, who has violated men in unspeakable ways. me the slut. nervous. is it a good thing he makes me a bit nervous? hmm... hehe... gawd i liked being kissed on the neck... mmm... i liked other things too... lots of other things... over and over again other things...
heh. i gotta call pj. she has some drama going on. no rest for the wicked.
a guy that i thought might look interesting to chat with turns out to be a guy that lived like 4 houses down from meand still remembers the wrist lock i put him in. maybe he wants to kick my ass? i do sorta need my ass kicked... or spanked...
talked on the phone for hours with another david last night
i have a bad case of the i don't wanna work todays
just remember when kev finally came when he and i played last week has been enough to trigger a near orgasmic state. gawd what was it? damn near 2 or 3 hours we had been going at it? then i was going to go... he wouldn't let me leave and put me over the coffee table. i think he had came so hard he damn near hurt himself... the intensity of it.. the way he moaned and cried out and collapsed on my back and wouldn't/couldn't move for a sec... until i started cussing him again and all and shook him off me.
i don't know what it is, but it seems i am sexually wired so that the ultimate pleasure for me is my partner's. sure i get mine through masturbation but it doesn't do that much, just a temporary release and all that, but when i am with someone... the more they are getting off the more i do. for me no matter how much i have cum, the act is not complete until i get theirs. thats why the games me and tommy play work despite the fact we don't fuck... and why guys like kev that are a challenge to get off are so fun.
what should i do with my saturday? i am off work? hmm...
uh huh. its gonna be another one of those days. grocery day at the group home so i go in at 11am and spend 2 frickin' hours in wallyworld. at least i have the menu for next week planned already and my list made so i ain't gotta inventory before i go.
i am so damn horny i feel like i wanna just cum outta my skin. has it really only been just over a week since i was fucked?
i need to replace kev's whorehopping ass so bad. preferably with someone i can hang out with on non-fuckbuddy terms as well.
i don't know how interested the navy guy is, or how feasible it would be to get involved with him.
david is having issues, i haven't heard from him since the other day. i wonder if he minimized his other involvements and got busted? oh well. i will find out or i won't.
of course i have other offers... and as pointed out to me repeatedly its my own damn fault...
blech.
its time to go to work.
and i gotta drop my kid off with my youngest sis.
blech. i rather hang out with me kid all day.
i wanna go to six flags and ride coasters 'til i puke.
on my ok cupid profile SB left the comment, "Don't let her fool you, this woman is Evil incarnate, and probably one of the best people you could pick as a friend. She is as she presents herself, and just doesn't waste time or energy on bullshit and meaningless social nonsense."
took that attention deficit dog and his adhd boy to the vet.. oh it was bad.. between my kid and the dog i am astonished that the building still stands. it was funny to see the cute lil' vet tech chic get into a power struggle with a 5 month old puppy, she was "oh no i am gonna win this one you don't want to fight with me" and resorted to popping him one (lightly) on the nose. see he had jumped on her and scratched her so she decided to clip his nails. it was a toss up who was more wiggely.. him or my kid. the vet was like that goodness its summer, that i could throw them both out in the yard to dig. too bad about his sheila pup, as much as i wasn't fond of her, she was great for the kid and she was HIS dog. this lil' guy isn't particularly loyal. maybe in a few months they will have a better bond.
i am used to doing things on my own, ever since i was a kid. i was brought up to do what i can by myself, and not to ask for help until i was really screwed.
there is no crying wolf.
it was funny when i picked up my kid from my ex's my ex's gf was all enthused that she had managed to mow their front yard by herself. claimed she had never cut grass before.
can you imagine being damn near 40 and NEVER having mowed a lawn?
i was thinking but i didn't say it that her hanging around my ex she will have to learn to do ALOT of things by herself
whats fucked up is my ex letting his damn like 7 months pregnant gf mow a damn lawn in this heat
not that you can't work while PG but i don't want her getting sick and passing out while she is watching my kid.
me and the kid were hanging out last night, i was online chatting with one of the ryans and "dank" and my kid was playing his tony hawk game and asking me to watch this or that and read this or that, we were pretty damn comfortable. earlier sis had come home and handed him a bag of doritos that i didn't think he needed 'cause i wanted to take him up to get a sandwich or something. but i didn't argue with her. she was already agitated about something. pissed because we had no root beer to drink or something and she sat there stabbing her damn sorbet cup things eating them as loudly as possible. at least it wasn't cereal. its amazing just how bitchily one can eat cereal. well when it became obvious me and the kid were not going anywhere and bringing her back any damn soda she went to bed. and me and the kid were content. him with his xbox, me with the internet... talking about what songs were playing on the game soundtrack and the tricks he could do on the game. well all of a sudden sis comes out of her room having a FIT. she goes to the kitchen and starts slamming around tylenol and bitching about how she has a headache and somehow its all our fault. then she goes back to her room. comes out in a few minutes and raises hell some more on how we are keeping her up and storms out of the house. my kid ends up in tears.
now this is the same sis that allowed our nephew to stay up until 5am.
and the same sis that keeps the tv up loud knowing i have to work in the am.
or brings over our niece and nephew when my kid is with his dad and expects me to watch them when i had plans of going out.
i try not to fight. really i do. i usually ignore her. but damn.
i avaoided her all morning 'cause there are some days that i feel like i could snatch every hair off her head.
but at least i wasn't off slutting around. i really really wanted to meet the david guy i have been talking on the phone with. he seems to be quite the sweetheart. did i mention that i was watching him on cam (not naked) and i got the molly chic (ryan's non-girlfriend) to look at him too and told her that i was thinking he could be my new fuck buddy maybe if we got along half so well in person as online and she was like "JUST a fuck buddy?" 'cause he is a cutie too...
and speaking of ryan... he is the reason i was home at 6am. all his fault. we were chatting and i mentioned that i was bored and fustrated and david who i had talked to at 430pm and was still wanting to meet that night had not called me and it was 11pm and as far as i was concerned i was stood up, but i will forgive david 'cause i know what he has going on and i assume it had something to do with that...
anyways i go over to ryan's and we are gonna watch zombie movies... zombi 2 (did you know there is no "zombi 1?" it was called zombi 2 to capatilize on the success of dawn of the dead i think it was... he is a geek and HAD to look this stuff up online while we were watching, much to my amusement).
i met his sister and brother, who are eeirily familiar... i really think that their dad and my ex are acquainted through the car scene. his sis started a fight with him and he cussed her and she was like "see my brother is a jerk" but i wasn't too worried about it.. he was an idiot for letting her goad him into the argument and she was being childish for provoking him, but i know what was going on with her. i have a little sister too.
anyways i had fun, and it beat hanging out alone... i think he and i can be friends maybe except he told his siblings i am 28... i am 33. he is 25. not that i have any plans on molesting him. but i did like hanging out with him. and sooner or later he might have to explain who i am... and i and not fond of having to explain anything "negative" to anybody. even if it just that he lied about my age. i hope i can meet the non-girlfriend molly soon too. i think she probably kicks ass.
oh aggervation and gawd i am so fricking horny i feel like i am coming outta my skin. i can't sit still and masturbation compunds the problem david and me are supposed to maybe check each other out tonight but i am impatient and i want RIGHT NOW and i have bunches and bunches of stuff i wanna write about that has nothing to do with sex but i am damn obsessing... i might tell ryan not navy guy ryan to call...
i got my lil' angel of sweetness and light home yesterday. he and his cousin just picked and picked and picked like a couple of little roosters fighting over the hen house all day. jeremy HAD to be here when matthew got home, but then the lil' addict stayed up until 5am playing xbox. we had a good day though. i gots lots to write about but no time, me and my boy are about to head to the asian festival, which is always fun. i met my ex's gf yesterday. and then had to decide what to do with my friday night. it sucked, but i'll write about it later.
i am so in need of something its sick... such a sad sad slut... heh. i'll write about it later too.
so there is this guy that i have been chatting with, he hits on me, i am evasive... he knows all the nasty lil' gory details of what i like to do and who with... would it be bad if i let him give me a massage to relax all the sore muscles that kev hurt? when he offered the massage, knowing full well why i was hurting... i asked him... well wouldn't that be kinda WRONG? letting someone "fix" what another guy "broke" so to speak? he said that well when i put it that way, yes it is wrong... but he still wants to. so should i give the guy a chance?
one of the GI Joes is tickling me... he was pretty freked out by my D/s perversions when we had gotten together, but apparently he has had time to think about them a bit... the idea of me aqcuiring a female subbie and him playing with us both has got him just going on... its funny... guys that can barely handle ME thinking they can take two...
kev could. that navy guy i am liking could. jason could. this guy... i'm not sure.... maybe... of course that would mean finding a like-minded chic to play with... and it seems that they don't exist.
there is someone i like.. i initiated contact, we met, we well hehe if you read the blog you know... hehe... well anyway... i am used to guys chasing me pretty hard trying to get laid, and then either giving in and them losing interest, or giving in and then them turning out to be sorta psycho and me losing interest. there are other guys i am interested in... i am not the type to put all my eggs in one basket too soon, and as of now i feel i should keep my options open. explore a bit. make sure of what i want. but how hard should i persue this guy? does he even want persued? i don't mean in the new hubby shopping sense of pursuement... just as in the spending um quality time together type. i know he is busy... oh grrr... well i guess i'll just see where things go with him, and go ahead and explore other options as well. i am a damn slut.
gawd i wanna call in or something... just for a couple hours... my boss would probably let me come in late today and early tomorrow but i am up and i might as well drag my sore ass in there. i brought this on myself anyway. suffering the consequences or however you spell that word for going and reminding myself of why i want to not play with the whorehopper anymore and want to get in a safe monogamous situation, even if it is another fuck buddy.
i think i pissed kev off tonight, and i think its funny. i was about to go to sleep, playing zuma on my cellphone at 230am when my home phone rings... wtf? maybe its jeff.. no wait i didn't give jeff my home number did i? i look at the caller id and it takes another ring before it dawns on me... kev... heh. hmm. grr. yeah ok. i answer...
"so what'cha doing?" "lying down playing video games." "well are you coming over then?"
heh. didn't know we had some sort of arrangement that i was supposed to tonight. i am a smartass, and a horny one at that. i decide to push buttons.
"oh? well did you WANT me to come over?" "just start driving, the door is unlocked, come in and wake me up."
i smirk. he has caught me on the wrong ass night for his games.
i get to his place, damn door is locked... window is open though and eventually he wakes his stoned drunk wore out ass up and he lets me in. starts bossing me around. he is trying to play dom.
i debate on what game I want to play.
i laugh to myself. not the smitten/amused giggle fit type laugh like with ryan the other night. there is evil in this laugh. i wonder if i am going to let him "get off" tonight. how how bad of a SAM i am going to be. i have never really felt this way towards him... oh i LIKE the guy, and i love he hell out of having sex with him... but i guess i am just tired of his games.
i am tempted to go into a blow by blow of the encounter... but let me say we both got what we deserved out of the ordeal. he did get off... and i am going to be hurting a couple days. i imagine he might too. and outta spite i wore this cheap shirt that has all these sequiney things all over it and now his whole damn living room has that shit all over... teach him to play rough with my clothes the damn rat bastard. i am smirking still.
i wonder if i oughta write this stuff in here. i don't want guys to be scared away from me. and they see this damn kevin mess and think i really am his bitch.
but i know one thing... if a certain other man had called me even if i was on kev's doorstep i would have gone and saw him instead i think.
have you ever noticed how respect levels affect your perception of someone's height? i thought kev seemed short this morning. i used to feel so small next to him. when i met ryan i thought he seemes shorter than he said he was, but by the end of our encounter... wow...
btw... i did no cum guzzling tonight/this morning/whatever... i was mean. kev tried to remind me that i was HIS cum guzzling gutter whore, but it kinda sucked to be him.
i ended up falling asleep last night instead of heading out and doing something (sleep... you know that other thing you can do in a bed). my jeff buddy called at 230am, didn't realize the time, was very apologetic when he realized he woke me and then i went back to sleep.
i had a weird dream, perhaps the result of too many ginger snaps and soy milk before bed?
the dream had my ex in it, and our son. and the sense that me and my ex were back together but not really together. he and my son were in a car waiting for me as i walked up to it and got in, i give my ex a kiss on the cheek and then we drive off... the neighborhood was a cross between daniel's dad's neighborhood and downtown savannah... weird. how long has it been since i had a dream about my ex? i can't remember, and the only one i can remember is the one where i was bashing his and a certian young lady's heads together. bad bad jen.
had me an interesting masturbatory fantasy going on in the shower earlier. i just might have to share it with the guy involved. i am such a damn cock whore. thinking about well never mind i'll share it with him via email maybe.. or an offline message on yahoo? that might be a bit uncomfortable... a graphic desciption of how "i'd like to..." pops up when he logs in and he has buddiew around... yikes! i know i'd be afraid to open stuff kev sent back when we used to chat online if i had people around.. it might be a simple "hey sexy" or some trash talk about exactly what he was going to do to me and where.
my period seems to be over and i am wanting. bad. doesn't matter that i got some sunday morning. doesn't matter that i "took care of things" a little bit ago. if i had my way... well... i am a spoiled brat.
and i am aggervated with sis. she ate my (labeled) hot pockets. and drank the last of my soy milk. there is scary real milk in there. i don't want it. and i am eating ginger snaps for breakfast. i have to be to work in 1 hour and 57 minutes. blech. i want another shower.
i haven't heard from the guy i might like to have as a buddy... of course it has only been like what? um.. i met him saturday night, well sunday morning actually... we parted ways about 1100am sunday...so i guess it's early yet and being in the navy school thing i am sure he is busy so i will refrain from thinking bad thoughts about him and putting him in the same category as certain other people... funny how with others i haven't worried much about when/if i hear from them. and the guys at work were ragging me about him even though they don't know about him 'cause i was all smiles and giggly and in a good mood, one had asked me if i hooked back up with daniel or something. funny how i am not in that kinda mood when i hook up with kev. well anyway i am not going to stress it. i have a guy that i have met before wanting to do something friday perhaps, and then my jeff-buddy i like is around too, and then there is well i will spare the "list" and forgive me if i didn't mention your name... i am not really wanting to make anyone who reads this that i might be interested in to feel dissed and that i don't like them... or that i am a terrible evil slut. i am single until by mutual agreement someone interested in me that i am interested in decide that i am not. and fucking one night does not mean i am not single. going out a couple nights does not mean that i am attached, no matter how much i might like someone or they like me... until we have that discussion i am not assuming a damn thing. ah well... jeff had wanted me to call but he stepped out and so i guess i'll try again. talking to the ryan buddy (not the navy ryan) and his molly buddy has been interesting tonight. chatted online and did the phone 3way. ryan seems interested in his buddies knowing each other. i am thinking he might make a good offline friend. maybe molly too?
in my *free* time make a link section to my favorite "dating" related rants somewhere.
rants: married men polyamory fuck buddies theories of attractiveness bdsm and being a switch what i look for
oh this list can go on... and it will. if i have blogged about it i am going to find the link and stick it on the side of my blog and if someone else has a good one that sums things up along the lines of my thinking i'll ask their permission and do the same. and if you have any suggestions as to one you have come across suggest it to me via tmail, comment if you are brave, or yahoo im.
my puppy crash is a pretty good... he is usually quiet except for his wookie sounding noises he makes. well early this morning i hear whimpering... why? he never whimpers? so i get out of bed and look outside.he is lying on the bottom step of the porch. 3 steps up is that little pug-thing that will show up with some little black raggy rat looking dog. crash is tied out on a cable.... this other fella had one of those cheap chains... and they were tangled. apparently whoever tied out the pug (who ties out dogs like pugs anyway? i thought they were house dogs?) had used one of the equally chep plastic lawn stake things to attach the chain too. as wet as the weather has been, the dog must have pulled the stake right up. i turned both dogs off their tie outs and threw my pup in the house and several minutes later had the chain and cable untangled. now what to i do about this pug? i guess he'll go home eventually. i wish i knew where he belonged so i can return their chain and stake and let them know what happened. they might be thinking someone snatched the dog, stake, chain and all. well crash is tearing up the house. he is a silly silly pup. my kid needs to get home soon. heck, the kid prbably knows where the pug belongs. he knows everything that goes on out here.
i feel lke a zombie. i was overcaffienated earlier from staying up too late and no sleep and trying to stay awake at work and its like really weird feeling like my brain is loose and man i need to crash and now people are chatting with me and earlier i talked to this guy david on the phone a couple hours. he's cool, but his living situation worries me so i don't know. i like ryan. and i am a slut and need not to be and just find me a nice steady and be a good girl and ok enough rambling. someone come tuck me in.
you guys ever wonder what us chics talk about the day after? my friend pj and i were chatting... she is my buddy, i tell her everything. we have known each other since college... after chatting a minute the "jen got some vibe" hits so she asks....
paula : who are you violating now? Jennifer : gimme a sec Jennifer : *gives link to profile* Jennifer : he's yuuuuummmmmmmy Jennifer : i met him last night Jennifer : did ya look? paula : yup Jennifer : what'cha think? paula : too young but cute Jennifer : he is cuuuute Jennifer : i likes 'em young paula : oh me paula : so you like? paula : where did yall go last night? Jennifer : umm.. well... i was a bad jen Jennifer : by the time i got out there is was pretty late Jennifer : so well um Jennifer : hehe paula : oh no Jennifer : oh yessssss paula : poor jens car Jennifer : not the car Jennifer : or truck Jennifer : got a room paula : k paula : gracious Jennifer : and all of maybe 2 hours sleep paula : my word paula : bad jen paula : bad jen paula : any good? Jennifer : oh fuck yeah Jennifer : yuuuumy paula : better than kevin? Jennifer : its not fair to compare with him.i am used to kevin and kevin used to me. we rock each other's world. paula : oh ok Jennifer : but definately has potential to be... Jennifer : hell i didn't think kev was much good the 1st time me and him got together Jennifer : and i think that this guy is great... and i likes him Jennifer : so if we get together a few more times and figure out the right buttons.... paula : heheheeh paula : you are a mess paula : i want my paulie
apparently i was bored brainless last night. but probably would have done it anyway.
i did something i haven't done in a loooooong time... not since having kev as a sorta steady...
an adventure you might say.
i drove to charleston and met a guy from that ok cupid site that lives near where a couple friends of mine used to. yes i know going up there in the middle of the night might have been a bad idea. as was going ahead and getting a room a few minutes after meeting him. but how do you tell someone "oh hell no" when they are like damn near an 80% match with you and they probably think along the same lines as you, or most likely have an answer to any argument you have anyway?
damn i had fun. and it was almost exactly what i needed/wanted last night. fucking awesome. i hope we get together again. mmmm.. a bit of a shiver of delight thinking about it.
i am bored. most people i talk to don't want to hear it because they figure if i am bored it is my own damn fault. none of them are around right now to bug anyway. they all have lives.
i have plenty i ought to do, and plenty i could do, but nothing i WANT to do that is feasible. i really need to clean up around the house for instance. and a buddy of mine was trying to get me to come visit him at work (something involving a desk fantasy, but i think i'd feel bad if i did anything with him). i could always head downtown or out to the beach alone... but i don't really feel like that, granted i don't feel like doing that with anyone in particular either. i don't feel like conversation. or physical interaction, besides maybe resting my head on someone's shoulder or lap and just vegging. i could do that with kenny, but i think i better not... i want space from him. i am trying to make the FRIENDS thing clear with him. i'd go into detail, but i was taught that if you can't say anything nice keep your mouth shut. basically i'd rather have a fuck buddy thing with kev or someone like him than a relationhip with kenny. not that i am ruling out potential relationships with other people. or replacing kev. who hasn't called in a week. not that this is unusual behavior. plus i think since he is smoking dope now he will be calling a bit less. too fucked up to do anything. sucks to be him. damn 29 year old boy.
you know what would be cool tonight? if i did have a "special someone" it would be nice to cook dinner, then just hang out and relax with him (or her, i can't 100% rule another chic out... granted men are my preferance). it would be fun to do something along the lines of playing a board game or maybe video game or two, watch a movie, have a nice make out session (maybe during the movie). oh well. maybe i'll just eat something, clean my room, then take a shower and shave things that need shaving.
Your Medeival responsibility is to be a high lord of civilization. You have cruel tendencies, but generally tend to know what is best for others. That is because the masses are stupid, selfish pieces of shit who don't really know anything about... well, anything! So when you take power, PLEASE revoke the people's right to vote!
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
Badass You scored 55% bitchiness, 80% sexual drive, 75% cleanliness, and 70% self confidence!
You are very tough. You don't have trouble getting dates as long as your dates are up to a bit of a challenge. Oh, and, you don't really need to do much cleaning because you're really pretty good at making somebody else do it for you. A submissive partner is good for you or someone who can keep up with your wild ways.
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 66% on bitchiness
You scored higher than 67% on sexual drive
You scored higher than 86% on cleanliness
You scored higher than 45% on self confidence
If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The What Kind of Lover are You? Test http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=644 2761568688630900" title="http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=644 2761568688630900" target="_blank"http://www.okcupid.com/tests/...
i am so damn cranky/horny/bitchy/jitte ry that i feel like i could bite people. and i have to go to work and supervise 6 not quite right men. most of whom are VERY good at picking up on how i feel. the poor things. they will be hiding in their rooms for fear that i will put up one of those cleaning lists where i have walked through the house and made a note of everything "wrong" and tell them each they have to choose 3 things from the list or i am going to forget to buy coffee for the home next week. and sugar.
oh.. and a hot pocket and chocolate cake do NOT a good breakfast make.
sis ate my hot pockets the other night, both of 'em. i had one bbq and one pizza.
she bought more hot pockets. took 'em out of the box because we have too much stuff in the freezer and the boxes were falling out... she got like 4 boxes of them. i wanted pizza. i have chicken. blech.
i need "release" yeah played with toys already but it ain't the same. i get too tight for my vibrator. then i get scared to move it. then i hurt. then i still feel like i need sex. i have volunteers to help me out, but old habits die hard... i know my rat bastard fuck buddy won't give me fleas or something bleach won't kill or something. and as of yet, has not tried to choke me to death or anything, although i know he has been sorely tempted.
but i am talking to a couple of seemingly "nice" guys...
i hate it. i don't want to just "settle" for someone else because they are convienent... i already tried that. ended up fucking kev again and at a loss as to exactly what to do with kenny... yes he is still around, and no i am not fucking him. i am trying to be "friends."
i feel like hell after masturbating. it so did not do what i wanted it to, and it took forever to do that... why is it that it takes so long to get off alone? i cum as soon as kev slides in me... which is too much usually for other guys i have fucked. they have admitted "fear," supposedly in a good way, but being sexually intimidated usually doesn't encourage a guy to call for a repeat. so i am careful... not just for my health and safety, but for their "sanity" if i decide to play with someone other than kev. i warn them. i let them know my sexual history. i let them know that i have done some kinky/freaky stuff... not in so much detail that they will EXPECT something, just enough to be aware... and still i freak them out if i decide to take 'em on a test run.
like one guy... he had never been with a chic that actually "cums." he was all wanting to get oral with me, but i was prefering penetration (his fingers). he feels "something" splash his wrist... yes i can be a "squirter." after he figured it out he was ok with it...
and another buddy of mine.. he pronounced sex with me just "wrong" i get too tight, made him cum too intensly too quickly and he was rather freaked out by s&m things. he wanted to continue to see me... but he is in iraq. he messages when he gets to a pc, and seems to assume we will pick up when he gets back. and unless i have something steady going on... why not? and like anyone else that i talk to/see he knows what i have going on. so i don't feel i am leading him on. if i get involved monogamously i'll let him, and anyone else in "queue" know. and it'll be up to them if they want to continue to talk to me or not.
thats the bad thing though, when talking to a few potential new friends/fuck buddies/whatever and a couple of them read my blog. it not like i really keep secrets... but say i haul off and fuck kev tonight, when i might have turned down an offer from someone that interests me? would that person still be interested in me?
ahh the perils of trying to be an ethical slut!
and then i don't want so much to be a slut as to be someone's slut, a slut with purpose...
ok what happened to hot blogs... i am used to hitting it and going down the line... godsmack (who needs to get her butt back here)... irishred.... scuba diva.... 11thacr.... where i am is pretty irrevalent to me... but now its all outta order.... not the nurse nancy doesn't deserve to be on the top slot... just change frightens me sometimes when it comes without warning... well time to get reading and adjusted to the new order.
i have my nephew and niece here. jeremy wont shut up and he is a walking DISASTER. total clutz. and katie... why can't she just TALK??? noooo she has to whine and make these gawdaweful squeeky noises and they are so selfish. I MISS MY BOY!!! I WANT MY KID BACK!!! i am glad he is mine. he is great. he should be back next week. I NEED MOMMY/SON HUGS!!! I NEED BEDTIME STORIES!!! i need my routine back. i am slipping into the oddball non-sleeping schedule that is not good for me.
i stayed on the phone for four hours with a buddy last night. i stood up a different buddy today. i am avoiding kenny altogether. and i wanna piece of well never mind. it'll just make people yell at me.
i have lots and lots of links saved of funny stuff i have come across. i was mucking about on here showing some to my niece (she's 4) there is the willy wonka candy website, the fireworks game.... lots and lots of interactive stuff (G rated thank you, i am a good mommy and auntie despite my bad habits you pervs, the kids aren't finding any smut on my PC!).
she was unimpressed by gollum and sam and the taters song.
i went over to my tommy-buddy's house this morning/early afternoon but our visit was cut short because he had a bit of a family emergency. i hate it for him, he is a pretty sensitive type guy (no one tell him i said so, but he is, after all he stops to rescue puppies playing in traffic). i won't go into the details because its his business but he seemed shook up by it. and me being the type of person i am, i worry...
before i had gone over to his place my youngest sis (the one with kids and that i don't live with) had called. she had had a vehicular incident. namely cruising along at 60 in a 45 and having the hood fly up on her car while she was on the way to a dcotor appointment for my nephew who has an irregular heart beat. she said everything was ok (except the car). it had happened an hour before she called me.
i called her back on my way from tommy's house, and offered to take her kids so she could go home and take a nap. i also offered to check and see if i had any xanax left from where our step mom had insisted on giving me some (that i never took) awhile back. my sis could really benefit from some meds. really. she declined. getting shed of her kids was good enough for her.
Think of a letter between A and W. ... ... ... .... ... ... ... Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. ... .. ... ... ... ... ... Keep going . . . Don't stop . .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level
.. .. ... ... ... ... ...
Look at you palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand
.. ... ... ... Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name? .. .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Of course not........ ... ...
... ...Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games!
...
.. ... ... Don't tell the secret to others, just send them this e-mail!
we never seem to have any clean glasses. keep in mind its just me, my sis, and my kid. oh yes... and our niece nad nephew rather be here than at their own house. me... i have like one cup that i will drink from, i'll leave it on the counter by the sink. i figure as long as i didn't have anything in it but water, why get a new one? at work we have a glass for each guy with their name taped on it, kept on a tray on the kitchen counter that they use for their water... anything else they get a fresh glass from the cupboard. it was pretty much my habit to do the same thing here even before starting to work there.
well my sis will get a sip of water, throw the glass in the sink. or leave it on the counter. or by her chair... where ever. and when she gets another drink... guess what? no clean cups. so she buys a pack of those clear plastic disposable cups. guess where they are? besides them being scattered around the house and having a sink full of them, what a fricking waste!
yes i have neatness issues myself. i need to clean my room. i have lots of "junk" even to the point of being a packrat at times. my dad had picked on me during one fight about my room when i was a teenager calling me "junkifer" but i must admit i like to keep a clean kitchen. especially the sink. i hate food in the sink. the counters are less of a stress point for me, but that sink needs to be clean. i don't like to cook in a messy kitchen. i'd like to clean the kitchen but there are all those damn cups in there. a couple days ago i cleaned up in there... she had tea bags in the sink. food scraps. unidentifiable sludge. stuff that no business being in there like plastic food wrappers where perhaps she set them there to drain before putting them in the trash.
and don't let me get started on her and CEREAL.
of course if i say something we will just fight. she will just point out all te things i do that irk her.
and then you will see one of us doing the perp walk on the evening news.
i told my friend SB about fucking kev again despite how i wasn't going to play with kev anymore and also mentioned kev's drug use and he is also not into people that do drugs, but thinks along the same lines i do on it... MJ... heh... not my thing, but i can accept it. anything... harder... no.
SB also called to my attention for the ???? time that kev is an "emotional blackhole" that will eventually "destroy" me and kev both (sound like anyone you know amyleeZ?). i did acknowledge the veracity of this statement though and assured him that i was not putting much emotional stock in kev, and was actively seeking other alternatives.
he was very approving of the guy i saw last night, based on what i told him. but we shall see. micheal has dropped off the face of my planet, as has daniel. i miss daniel. but life goes on.
i was chatting with a would-be friend about kev and the dope smoking (its funny, but the last 2 times i had been over, kev hadn't kissed me... maybe morning breath fears? maybe worried i'd notice the "smoker's breath" 'cause he thinks he knows i feel about that? when his buddy had called me and was trying to get me over the buddy was all "come on over and we'll hang out and have a few beers and smoke some weed..." and kev had hushed him on that).
as far as my attitude about drugs, i was educated against them from an early age. my dad worked for the US Customs (he just recently retired). i grew up with all kinds of anti-drug/anti-drug smuggling propaganda. they'd have all this really neat stuff... pens, pencils, keychains, posters, coin holders, hell even little balls and other toys with slogans on the like "you can help prevent drug smuggling" and of course the number "1-800-be alert." is it sad i still remember that number? for my spanish class in high school he gave me a bunch of the stuff in spanish to bring to the class. in addition to this, there where all my dad's college text books... law enforcement orientated of course, some medical type.
of course when i hit my late teens my friends started experimenting with them... i could never br
i am glad i have this pic for matthew.
